Moments in Time
by KLCM1
Summary: Life, and love, happened during those little stolen moments carved from their busy days. Companion pieces to Where's the Good in Goodbye.
1. Reflections of Desire

**AN: So I'm super pumped to have Wifi at my place now I thought I would post this now. Consider these deleted scene's to Where's the Good in Goodbye, little vignettes of their time together that didn't quite fit into the overall story. These will be some of the things that were mentioned on camera but we never saw. This first one is set late season five/early six.**

* * *

"Really? You snuck away on your weekend off to do paper work?" Emily asked him from the doorway of his office.

"I thought you were still sleeping." Hotch answered without looking up from the file on his desk.

"It's 7:30 in the morning. I should be." She slumped against the door frame and pouts.

"With Jack, 7:00 is sleeping in."

"No case, no son. Just me. All alone in your bed." She took a few steps towards him, undoing a button on his dress shirt that she threw over herself.

"Emily, I need to finish these then I'm all yours." He finally looked up to see the desire in her eyes. "Ok, give me five minutes and I'll come back to bed." He looked quickly back to the papers on his desk trying to keep his resolve.

"Ok, five minutes." He could hear the warning in her voice. She sauntered back down the hall with a swing of her hips. If those reports weren't so damned important he would have followed right away.

He returned to arrest reports, tactical strategy plans and evidence logs. He silently cursed Strauss for leaving him with all this work again. Even with Morgan and Dave helping with things for their unit, Hotch was swamped with files. He tried to work as thoroughly and swiftly as possible to get back to real life.

He felt the warm soft kisses on his neck before he even noticed she was in the room. Her hands moved down his shoulders and arms coming to a rest on his chest.

"It has been thirty minutes. Time to put them down," She said between kisses.

"Can I at least finish this one?"

She moved her open mouth to his ear. "No," she whispered and picked the file up over his head. As she walked toward the dinning room he heard her taunt. "If you want if back you need to come get it."

"I'm almost done with it. If you lose my place, I'll have to start again." He stood up with an arm out.

"Well then you'll need to come quick so you don't forget where you are." She winked at him from her spot on the other side of the table where she stopped. She raised the file over head. A useless gesture since he has half a foot on her.

He moved towards her. "Emily, please give it back. I promise I'm almost done." Just as he reached her she darted to his left towards the couch. He spun around to face her.

"Uh Uh, I'm not making it that easy." She positioned the couch in between them. He took a few steps and she moved in the other direction. A giggle escaped her. She sounded like Jack hyped up on sugar.

Soon he was running in loops around his desk and couch trying to get her. A few laughs escaped him as well. He almost has her arm in his grasp when he collided into her body. Files scattered from his desk as she crumpled to the floor. He couldn't help but notice her round butt exposed as she lay curled on her side.

"Are you ok?" He knelt down next to her to examine the scrape on her knee. "I'm so sorry."

"I've taken harder hits in the field. I'll be fine, maybe a bruised hip. Oh and my ego, that's pretty deflated." She surveyed the damage done to his desk. Half the files are on the floor, his lamp his knocked over, a drawer got knocked open. Hotch followed her eyes to the desk and let out a groan. "Let me help with this."

Hotch started scanning and stacking papers back into folders. Emily worked on returning items to drawers and tidying the desk. As she tucked away some pens she eyed the familiar logo of a FBI badge.

"Oohh! Is this you? When did you ever look like that?" Emily was giggling again.

"That was my very first FBI badge," There was a hint of fondness in his voice, "when I did security clearances for your mother's staff."

"Are you sentimental?" He just shrugged in response. "The stoic Agent Hotchner actually can smile? Wait until the others see this!" In this picture Hotch had grown out bowl cut and smile what reached his eyes. He looked carefree and happy with this baby face and goofy grin.

The meaning in Emily's tone was not lost on him. In the few months they had been together again the team had commented on how he had been more lighthearted. "Emily, please give it back." He gave her a stern look reaching out to grab it.

He saw the idea creep into her mind. Her eyebrow lifted as the ends of her mouth turned up. Before he could ask she was up running across the room again, this time toward the bedroom. He dashed after her. When he caught up to her, she was digging her phone out of her bag.

"Oh no you don't." He picked her up by her waist and swung her around, her feet kicking out. She let out a playful scream. "That picture is not leaving this house."

Seeing that he wasn't going to willingly let her take a picture of it Emily changed her tactics. "I give up. Put me down." As soon has her feet touched the ground she turned and placed her arms around his neck. "It's about time you put your hands on me," Emily looked up at him through her dark lashes.

"Are you trying to seduce me Ms. Prentiss?" He titled his head and smiled at her.

"Yes Sir." She placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "Is it working?"

"Yes," he moved his mouth to her neck and tightened his grip on her waist, "but I'm still not going to let you take a picture of it."

"That's what you think." Emily let out a moan and undid another button. Her hands found their way under Hotch's t-shirt, her nails digging into his shoulders.

* * *

Emily was snuggled against Hotch's side, her head on his chest. She could hear is soft snores. Taking this as her cue, she quietly slipped out of the bed. She picked up her phone and zoomed in on Hotch's badge that they left on the nightstand. A few clicks later and the picture is set as her caller ID. Emily smiled at the picture a moment more; thankful she gets to see glimpses of the carefree Hotch. Thankful that he's still in there even after all the horrors they've seen.

"So that was your plan? Use your feminine wiles me to wear me out then sneak around? Very clever." Hotch was now on his side, head propped up on his hand.

"I thought so." Emily got back in to bed, scooting her back against his chest. "Now every time you call, even when it's something bad about a case, I'll have a reason to smile."


	2. Outfoxed

"Really, Prentiss? Shouldn't you be catching up on this case?" He looked up from his seat at the table. The case files for Carl Arnold were up on his tablet.

"We have an hour drive once we land. I assume you brought me along for a not so great reason and I'm going to enjoy the music until I have to think about it." Emily was dancing in the aisle of the jet to a 90's grunge Pandora station. Well as close to grunge dancing as you can get. She was turning side to side, arms swinging, feet shuffling back and forth.

It wasn't often that they got to have some fun on jet. Not that going to talk to a family annihilator was fun. But it was just the two of them. They hadn't been alone since she took him home after his first case back. He had been warming up to her again over the last two months. There was that night they sat silently in his office with Rossi drinking, a flirtatious grin after Morgan yelled at him for taking down as unsub alone.

"Prentiss, let's be professional."

"It's just us. It's not like I'm suggesting we join the mile high club or anything like that. Although," she paused raising her eyebrow, "when would there be a better time than an empty jet? Wouldn't even have to do it in the bathroom." There was a silly grin plastered on her face. She could feel his glare burning into her. "Maybe on the way back then?" In the nine months that they had been sleeping together they never once attempted anything on the plane. Once or twice at the office, but never when they could have been caught. She watched him as he crossed his arms over his chest and drew his eyebrows even closer together. "Geez, Hotch. Lighten up. We land in thirty. Can you be fun for the next thirty minutes?"

She knew he was a ball of nerves that Haley and Jack were still in protective custody. His anxiety didn't show up in the field as much anymore. At least there were any more unprotected standoffs with an unsub. But there were no leads on Foyet. Garcia was trying to track him medications but there were so many of them. She was worried about what this stress was doing to him. Whatever free time he had from Morgan doing all the paper work was spent pouring over Foyet's life like he didn't already have it memorized.

"Fine, can you at least listen to some real music? And remind me to never take you to a prison again."

"Come on! We haven't even gotten there yet! This is my first time, cut me some slack." She gave him her biggest pout and saddest eyes. She didn't even care about whether or not she got to do prison interviews. Trying to catch them was enough danger for her. She didn't need to be literally surrounded by murderous men. Especially when women like her were often the target. If he was willing to play along she was going to milk it for everything she could.

Emily picked up her phone, pausing the song. She scrolled through her most played stations trying to find something that old man Hotch would listen to. If she wanted him to loosen up she couldn't push him too far. With her lips pursed her eyes darted between her phone and him. Suddenly an idea came to her. She tapped the station and set the phone down by his tablet as the music started to play.

She had stopped moving, waiting for him to recognize the song. Dave had mentioned last week how he loved the Beatles. The light hearted tunes of his favorite band had to lighten him up. There was a flicker of recognition in his eyes and the corner of his mouth threatened to turn up. Then she caught his eyes and the scowl came back.

"Don't pretend like you aren't enjoying this song." She wagged a finger at him. When he wouldn't budge she continued her dancing around with a huff. After another two songs of him dampening the mood she fell into the seat across from him.

"Fifteen more minutes. Can you look like you're enjoying yourself for that long?" She dipped her eyed so their eyes would meet. He met her gaze but there was nothing written on his face. Desperate from him to loosen up Emily reached a hand across the table. Hotch ripped it away with a growl. The anger in his eyes made her recoil.

"If you think I have more motive than getting you to smile you're wrong. Whatever we were doing is over, I know that. But it happened. We can be adults and enjoy each other's company for a few minutes."

Hotch softened his gaze a little. It still wasn't a smile and he was miles from relaxed but she didn't feel like his gaze was going to make her spontaneously combust any more. Emily pondered if she ever saw him truly relaxed as she made her way over to the couch. She closed her eyes trying to focus on the songs, blocking out whatever bad vibes Hotch was tossing her way. In a little over an hour she would be surrounded by serial killers and she didn't need this tension between them to get in the way.

The familiar notes made her smile involuntarily as they hit her ears. Suddenly Emily was six years old on the terrace of their house in Cairo. It was one of the few times her father was home and had time to spend with her. They were running around in the puddles after a sudden rain storm and he started signing "Brown Eyed Girl" to her. Emily was wiping a rogue tear from her eye when her thoughts were interrupted by a different sound. It was humming.

And it was coming from Hotch.

She tried to stifle her chuckle of surprise. It shouldn't have been too shocking, it is a popular song. But this is Hotch.

Emily carefully turned her head to where he was sitting at the cluster of chairs. He was still deep in a case file. Probably not even aware that he was doing it. She watched the lines on his face recede slightly.

God he was gorgeous. Emily's stomach did a little flip as she watched him. She was so tempted to get up and kiss him. It had been months since he touched her, since she touched him, since her lips were on his skin.

The song changed and so did his face. There was now a slight smile as he continued to hum along. This time to "Black Bird;" his foot keeping time hanging off his knee. Emily couldn't tear her eyes away. His humming changed into a quiet signing of words. It felt wrong, seeing him like this. Somehow this felt more personal than seeing him naked, than having sex with him. This was something completely private.

The announcement from the pilot startled both of them. Emily made her way over to a seat across from Hotch stowing her phone in her pocket and clipping her seatbelt. As he gathered up the files Hotch mumbled a low "Thanks Emily" without meeting her eyes. Her breath caught. He hadn't called her Emily since that last night together in Oregon.

She had to bite the inside of her check to keep the smile off her face. He was coming back to her. Maybe not all the way, maybe not in the way she wanted or needed. But some part of the real Hotch was emerging again.

* * *

The silence in the SUV on the way back to the airstrip is deafening. Once they got the signal from Morgan that the unsub was neutralized Hotch flew into a frenzy on the plane ride back to Quantico. Emily is pretty sure that he actually made Garcia cry. There was no thanks or acknowledgement of her work on closing the case. Just a demand that she start tracking information for this one.

Emily tried to hold on to the Hotch she caught a glimpse of on the plane ride there, the one who showed himself to her outside that interview room in the prison. He had shown real concern over her discomfort of using Lucy and flirting with Arnold. He assured her she could back out if she really wanted to. Just like he had in the locker room in Atlanta. He was as warm as the lightening that shot threw her when he grounded her with a touch. Now he was colder than she had ever seen him.

Of all the things they did and saw at the BAU, it was those kinds of things that made her uneasy. It was the times when she had to be dishonest, use people to get what they needed, that threw her off. It wasn't the bodies, the injured women or children, or the complete creeps that they dealt with that made her question what she was doing. It was the murky grayness, the lies.

She had enough lies.

At this point her whole life was a lie. She didn't know who Emily Prentiss really was. She was the always perfect Ambassadors daughter, she was the well trained CIA agent, she was Lauren Reynolds. She was Hotch's secret lover.

It wasn't really a lie that getting intimate with killers was different. She didn't view Ian Doyle as a killer. Yes, he was a bad guy. He sold guns and he shot some people. But there is a difference between that and torturing and abusing entire families. Emily knew there shouldn't be a difference. But there was. Because she knew the real Ian Doyle.

Just like she knew the real Hotch. And the one she saw before her was not the same. His shell broke open just a little bit farther at the prison when he comforted her. He was concerned about her safety and her mental state. Then it all fucking shattered.

Just like that. The anger had welled up inside of him and he practically ran out of there, leaving her to chase after him. It he was like he left her all over again. But this time she didn't get to say goodbye.


	3. Demonology

As soon as Rossi informed him Emily walked away from the crime scene he redirected his route to the same neighborhood he had just came from. What started as a call to thank Rossi for pushing him to see this case through ended as a search and rescue mission for Emily. Hotch was having a serious talk with Rossi when they got into work the next day. If anyone knew how upset she was from this case it was Rossi and to let her wander away in the night was reckless. Yes Emily had a gun and could handle herself against most people. But she was distraught, it was dark and Morgan had told him that whatever was in that priest's flask had gotten on Emily.

Emily wasn't answering her phone. He was probably that last person she wanted to talk to. After the way he treated her earlier that was no surprise. She needed his support and he couldn't give it. He tried to give her a little space and time to look into it. No one knew it was going to get this far. Telling her to back off was hard. And he may have done too good of a job hiding is frustration that it came out on her. He wondered what was the point of having a badge if you can't even help your loved ones. She was right all along; she was just too stubborn to get her answers by following the rules.

But they had to back off; they hadn't been invited to the case. As far as Metro was concerned, there wasn't one. If they got another complaint someone could lose their job. If he had his way he would always protect his friends and family, rules be damned. Realistically he knew, all too well from past cases, that acting that way was a guarantee to lose their badges. He couldn't put the others at risk like that. The only consolation he could give her was refusing to let her quit and acting like this never happened in the case files.

Hotch drove around the neighborhood methodically searching for any sign of her. It was on the steps of a church that he found her, head on her knees. She looked even more worn than she had when she stumbled into his office two nights ago asking for help. She didn't even need to say anything when she entered his office, he just knew. It would have been obvious to anyone that something was wrong. But for Emily Prentiss to look that vulnerable, he knew it was serious.

"Emily." He quietly approached but she didn't move. He tried again. "Emily, are you ok?" He moved beside her and wrapped the blanket he pulled out of his trunk around her shaking body. She finally looked up and he saw the dried trail of blood from her nose.

"I'm fine." Her voice was small and weak. She tried to move away but he kept her in place with his arm.

"No, you're not. We should get you looked at." He pulled the blanket a little tighter and ran his arm up and down her side in a pathetic attempt to warm her. He noticed that her boots were almost covered in snow, frozen curls clung to her jacket.

"No really, the bleeding stopped a while ago." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"At least let me take you home and get you warmed up. Your lips are blue. I have hot chocolate in the car." He offered a small smile, hoping she would accept his help after he treated her badly. She gave an affirmative nod and made to stand on shaky legs. He kept and arm around her and took her hand slowly walking her to the car supporting most of her weight.

He handed her an extra pair of gloves and a hat out of the console. "Don't rub your hands just put the gloves on and squeeze them together." She gave him a side eyed glance. "Reid rattled on about hypothermia the other day," he said with a shrug.

They sat in silence until he pulled in front of her building.

"Emily, I'm sorry I didn't support you in this. Being the boss sometimes means I have to do things I don't want to, but I should have supported you." He looked over to see if she was even listening. The whole ride she barely moved. She just clutched the hot chocolate in her hands inches from her mouth. "I know this was very personal for you, and you don't need to tell me, but I want you to know that I'm here okay? I'm right here. Just like you were for me."

She flinched when his hand touched her thigh. Hotch leaned his head back and sighed. He wasn't sure what was going on here. For the first few months this thing between them was just sex, tension relief. And they had been doing a pretty good job of keeping things professional and not letting it influence their work. But it was starting to feel different. Maybe it was because she was the only one with enough guts to approach him after Megan Kane; the only one who realized just how much that case got to him. He brought the palms of his hands to his eyes and took a deep breath. Why were they so bad at talking about things that actually mattered? He dropped his hands back to his sides letting out a huff.

At least she talked to Dave about this. He wouldn't divulge any details just that Emily felt responsible for Matthews spiral out of control. It did sting a little that after their last few months together that she didn't feel comfortable telling him. He was just glad she was opening up to someone. Maybe it was because they had been sleeping together that she didn't. They hadn't exactly talked about what was going on between them. And he had made it clear, in the harshest way possible, when she came to him in Dallas that he was not interested in talking about his feelings. He really should apologize to her. If she's ever willing to speak to him again.

The warmth of her hand on his brought him back. He slowly turned to look at her.

"I can't. Not to night." He could tell she was trying to fight back tears, her head still forward not looking at him. "But knowing that you care helps. Thank you for all that you did." He gave her hand a squeeze. Before he knew what was happening, she kissed his cheek in a quick goodbye and got out of his car. He scrambled after her.

"Emily," he called over the top of his car as she made the way to the front of her building, "will you be alright tonight?" He debated with himself he should follow and make sure she got to her door. Part of him wanted to stay with her but he knew that would be overstepping.

With a glance over her shoulder she replied, "As alright as I can be."

"Call me if you need anything. You don't need to do this alone." He recognized the irony of repeating the same thing she said to him last week. He watched her walk into the building, her legs steadier now.


	4. A Family Affair

"I had money on the swim killing you."

"I practiced," Hotched breathed out before he took another long swig of water.

Emily's stomach did a summersault at the sight of him all wet and panting. Or maybe it was all the drinks from last night. She couldn't be sure which.

"Something greasy please," JJ moaned catching Emily's attention. Her eyes had been tracing the water beading down his biceps while she remembered the last time she was embraced by them.

"Oh yeah, let's," she agreed turning to Reid and JJ.

"Hotchner!" An unfamiliar voice made them all turn. Emily could hear the smile in his voice as he called back to her. She recognized that smile; it had been once directed at her.

For a brief second she was glad she was hung over. Her sunglasses gave her a chance to get a good look at the women he was trotting over to. Emily's eyes took in her warm smiling face and curtain of brown wavy hair. It reminded Emily of when she was Lauren. She was simply dressed but was wearing funky jewelry that showed off her artsy side. Emily turned back to her friends with a shrug when Hotch and who she assumed was Beth hugged; hopping her distain would be read as confusion. As far as everyone else knew Hotch was new to dating and she couldn't give it away that he told her she would be coming.

What he didn't tell her was that he was going to invite Beth to breakfast with them.

The entire time in the car with JJ and Reid she was having silent conversation with JJ through the review mirror about if she could ditch breakfast and go home to wallow in peace. She was already hung over and had only gotten three hours of sleep. It wasn't very restful either as Emily, JJ and Garcia passed out in a tangle in JJ's king size bed.

"So I guess Hotch really is dating. How do you think they met?" Reid asked

JJ tried to run interference. "I'm not sure. What I am sure about is how much bacon I'm going to eat."

"When does he have time between cases and Strauss's paper work and being with Jack? She didn't look like she could be an agent or a lawyer," Reid kept rambling about how Haley and Beth were physically different but both looked artsy. Emily caught JJ's raised eyebrows in the mirror. She hadn't told her everything, just that she had Hotch were taking a break while she got adjusted to the city again. The fact it was because Emily wanted to leave was left out as well.

"Spence," JJ groaned, "please just shut up until we get some food in us. I love you but if you don't stop talking…"

"Ok, I'm done."

Emily was thankful for the silence so she could prepare for what going to be a tortuous experience. When they pulled up to the dinner Rossi, Morgan, Garcia and Jack were waiting for them. Rossi went in to reserve a table while the rest waited on a bench outside for Hotch and Beth.

"Miss Em'ly can I sit by you?"

"Sure Jack. But you need to be really quiet."

"Why?"

"We're hunting wabbits," she said in a cartoon voice with a finger to her lips. Laughter ripped through Jack as JJ and Garcia winced. The others chuckled as the last two of their group joined them.

"You know he told me to watch that tape when I was sad after you stopped coming around." Hotch whispered in her ear as they were heading to their table. Emily tried to hide her shiver at the breath on her neck. "He still watches it when he isn't feeling well."

Thanks to JJ and Rossi's impeccable profiling skills, Emily ended up sitting in the perfect place so she could avoid looking at Hotch and Beth mooning over each other. She could hear Rossi and Morgan giving Beth their nicest interrogation. She laughed and smiled in all the right places and wasn't afraid to tease them back. Either Beth really was charming or they were going easy on her.

"I just love those rings Beth. And that necklace! You must share where you got it," Garcia complimented oblivious to the glare JJ gave her from her seat on the other side of Reid.

Emily didn't listen to Beth's response. She was too lost her thoughts about how anyone can smile as much her. And her voice is so sickly sweet. Emily had started to wonder if Beth was even real given her behavior and what she knows about how she met Hotch.

Emily felt her stomach churn again. This time is was the sight of Beth rubbing Hotch's neck and shoulders that did her in. Once again thankful for a hangover, Emily set her head down on her arms while she waited for her plate of gravy covered carbs. She tried to focus on Reid's stats about hangover cures.

"Best cure for a hangover is to not get one. You should have drank more water and paced yourselves better last night and your body wouldn't be reacting like you poisoned it. Which is what you did as our body's cant process alcohol hence getting a hangover."

"Says the kid who's too young to drink." Emily scoffed. "I still stand by carbs and coffee."

"Mmm…Bacon. Bacon fixes everything," JJ moaned.

"I find that tomato juice works to settle my stomach," Beth added.

JJ and Emily exchanged looks as Garcia turned to Rossi, leaning over Morgan. "You've been doing this longer than the rest of us, how do you do it sir?"

Rossi narrowed his eyes at her, causing Garcia to shrink back behind Morgan for protection. "I've learned to drink the good stuff. Treat it well and it will be kind right back."

"Hey now, little ears," Hotch said in mock outrage, narrowing his eyes at Dave in front of him. "Let's not corrupt my child."

"You should have thought about that before you let the man with a penchant for cigars, scotch and bad taste in women be called 'Uncle Dave.' Didn't you know what you were getting into?" Morgan replied with a smile.

"Hey! Wives one and two were perfectly respectable," Rossi said looking put out.

"So it wasn't your judgment, but there must be something wrong with you to have three ex-wives."

"Jack, do you want your pancakes cut?" Hotch asked trying to change the subject again. The little boy nodded.

"I got it sir," Garcia answered. "Hey Jack-o, let me help you," she said taking his plate from across the table.

"Em'ly, can I come play with Sergio again? I missed him. Daddy won't let me have a cat."

"Jack, do you like cats?" Beth tried to ask Jack, he mumbled an affirmative and turned back around to Emily to wait for her response.

"If your dad says it's ok, sure thing kiddo." She said as Jack gave her a pancake filled smile.

"Only if I don't have to be there," Hotch grinned.

"Do you not like cats Aaron?" Beth way she kept calling him Aaron was grating to Emily's ears, making her head pound even harder.

"More like Sergio doesn't like him," Emily laughed. She quickly turned red and clamped her mouth shut. There would be no reason for her cat to hate him; he shouldn't have met the cat as he had no reason to be at her place.

Reid, having missed the obvious cues the rest of the table had gotten, asked the unspoken question. "When did you ever meet her cat? You only had him for a few months before you died," he trailed off as he noticed everyone staring at him. Hotch's eyes were cutting into Reid and his head was twitching over to Jack. Reid continued slowly, "or umm…before you left?"

"They came over when I helped Jack with some information on life in France for a class project on countries for the upcoming Olympics."

"You lived in France?" Beth asked. "I tried to learn French but I am horrible at the accent."

"On and off, I spent summers there as a child and was recently in Paris for six months," Emily answered in between bites of hash browns.

"I love all the museums in Paris, but my favorite are in Rome. I loved spending a semester there and have been dying to go back for more than a work trip," Beth said to no one in particular.

"To understand Rome, you must be in Rome," quoted Rossi dreamily taking a sip of his coffee.

"Princess, didn't you live in Rome as a teen?" Morgan asked.

"If we're going to talk about all the places I lived, we will be here all day," Emily said quietly. She could feel Beth's stare and noticed Hotch tense slightly.

Without even trying, everyone was pitting Beth and Emily against each other and Emily was clearly the group favorite. She hid her smile behind another bite. Not that Emily usually encourages that kind of thing. Women can be interested in the same things and men without competing with each other. But this whole thing with Beth was making her insecure and it was nice to be told how great you are by your friends.

"Hey Jack, Henry has been asking about seeing you again. How do you feel about the space museum?" JJ said as she shoved her fifth piece of bacon in her mouth.

"Can I go too? We only made it through half of it last time because Emily was too slow."

"What? I like to actually look at things and not have you ramble facts at me."

"I liked Spence's stories," Jack piped up. "They were neat."

"Emily wasn't slow Reid, little boys have short legs. And attention spans." Hotch didn't even look up from his eggs. "JJ, you can take Jack anywhere as long as I don't have to get the Spencer Reid Tour Guide Experience again." He said throwing a pointed look down to the opposite end of the table where those two sat.

"That wasn't my fault. I didn't organize that field trip," Reid pouted.

"Yeah, you agreed to come with Reid and me," Emily stated looking down the table to Hotch. "We could have taken Jack and Henry by ourselves."

Emily thought about that day. She couldn't believe it was only four months ago. She offered to watch Henry for the day so JJ and Will could have some alone time. Reid wanted to go to the museum and Emily suggested they make a trip out of it with Jack. At one point Reid wandered off with Henry leaving her with the Hotchners. It almost felt like a family outing. Something that was pointed out to them by no fewer than five strangers.

"And let you handle three toddlers by alone?" Everyone laughed and Reid looked offended, his mouth was hanging open. Emily was sure Hotch was picking on Reid to draw attention away from the discoveries of how much time outside of work they have spent together. She would have to take Reid to the local Indie theatre or make a trip to a rare book store with him to make it up.

"Jack, what's your favorite part of the space museum?" Beth asked.

"Rockets!" He said excitedly. "Spence makes the best rockets!"

"Physics magic," Reid said shyly as Emily caught him hiding his face with his mug. After years of being awkward around babies, kids and pets, well just about anyone really, Reid was very proud of himself when the boys thought he was cool.

The conversation turned to Reid almost hitting Hotch with a rocket and other team shenanigans. Emily took the chance to have another silent conversation with JJ. A few eye rolls, sighs and head tilts later and they were on the same page about the touching, giggles and high pitch of Beth's voice.

"Ok, I have a little monster to get home to. Spence, Em, you ready to go? Morgan you got Garcia?" JJ asked. There were nods all around and Rossi signaled to the waitress. "Beth it was nice to meet you." Emily could hear the lack of sincerity in JJ's voice.

"Yeah, it was nice that you could join us," Emily added half-heartedly. It earned her a glance from Hotch, one that she didn't return.

"Em'ly when can I see Sergio?"

"Soon kiddo. But not today," Emily ruffled his hair. "Emily needs to sleep." She slung her purse over her shoulder, sent the rest of the team a wave and followed JJ out the door. Once they were out of earshot of the team she turned to Reid. "I swear to god, Reid if you dissect that breakfast, like I know you want to, I will help Garcia paper the office with every embarrassing thing you have ever done."

Reid shot JJ a questioning look only to get a shrug in return.

"Spence, I'm taking you home first." There was no room to argue in JJ's tone.

Emily slid into the backseat and leaned against the headrest closing her eyes. This day was not going how she imagined. She wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed with Sergio and forget the last three hours ever happened.

* * *

 **RMPCMFAN - thanks for all the lovely reviews! Keep in mind chapter two is when Haley and Jack are in protective custody, Hotch was in 'protect my family' mode, hooking up with Emily would be the last thing on his mind. And yeah, I wish someone would have at least attempted to comfort Emily after Demonology. She would have said no, but they could have tried.**


	5. A Family Affair part 2

"So how long were you together?"

"I've known Dave since ninety seven but he didn't become part of the team until o'eight, Morgan came on in o'three, with JJ and Reid the year after, Prentiss joined two thousand seven," Hotch rattled off as warm memories flooded him.

Seeing that he wasn't getting her meaning Beth tried again. "How long were you and Emily dating?"

"WHAT?" He paused to make sure Jack was still asleep in the back of the car. Between the early morning and the sugar high from the syrup he drowned his pancakes in; he had passed out as soon as he was buckled into his booster seat. "What makes you say that?" Hotch's knuckles tightened slightly on the steering wheel.

"Jack really likes her, you've clearly spent a lot of time together, and you dismissed her accomplishments." Beth's voice was getting tighter.

"Jack likes all of them. I didn't gush like the rest of them because I don't gush. And I don't know as much about her time wherever she's been so I can't marvel at how great it's been." It was the first outright lie he had told Beth. Besides the classified information he knew all about her time in various countries around the world with the CIA, JTF and her mother. He even knew about the summers she spent in the Alps with her Grandfather. In the months immediately after her return he learned more about her past than anyone else ever before.

"Aaron, I'm not a profiler but you two were clearly trying to avoid each other." Beth said bitterly. She quietly looked him over trying to see if he was going to react. "Why are you smiling?"

"Because most people assume it's JJ I'm have an affair with," he bit back the urge to laugh.

"And you think it's funny?" she hissed.

"A little. It's been going on since JJ started. They comment on how I'm so rigid and uptight but think I would do something so wrong as to have an affair with a much younger subordinate," Hotch said aiming to sound amused instead of nervous.

Hotch honestly did find it funny how contradicting the rumors were. He was known for being a hard ass rule follower, a drill sergeant bully of a Unit Chief. It's laughable then that they would assume he'd have an affair and cheat on his wife, while she was pregnant, with a child they worked so hard to have, with a much younger subordinate. It couldn't be that unbelievable that a man and an attractive woman could work together and be friends.

"Why would they think it would be JJ?" There was genuine curiosity in Beth's voice.

"Late nights in the office, working closely on triaging cases, the fact that I trained her to do that when it wasn't a part of her job," Hotch rattled off the most common reasons. He left out that every guy in the office drooled over her for the first year. Until Morgan started intimidating, and Hotch started reassigning, the guys who were being disrespectful or just couldn't get the hint. "Do you really think I would sleep with the subordinate when I could lose my job and my credibility? I would have no way to support Jack."

"Sorry," Beth whispered as she dipped her head. He knew that playing the single dad card would get him sympathy. Avoiding arguments with Beth was much easier than with Haley or Emily. It's not that Beth was weak or afraid to challenge him; she just didn't understand how well he could play someone.

"It's not you," he soothed. "We just got Prentiss back. They thought they lost her, they grieved for seven months. And now they don't want to let her go. Every one is a little more affectionate and watchful now." He reached over for her hand and risked a glace in her direction. "I can tell you that Penelope likes you. And Morgan definitely thinks your attractive, he kept looking you over," he said with a smile and eyebrow raise. He knew flattery would smooth things over.

Over all breakfast went ok. He should have foreseen Jack being excited about Emily and not paying much attention to the stranger at the table. Dave and Morgan has been just the right side of nosy with their questioning. Garcia and Reid were their normal selves, just a little subdued from a hang over and lack of sleep respectively. The glares and grimaces between Emily and JJ did not go unnoticed. Although their hangovers could be a good cover. He knew they weren't going to give Beth a fair shot, not a after he broke the new deal he and Emily had just made.

"Penelope is…" Beth started, hand whirling as she searched for the right word.

"Different, unique, out of her mind?" he offered.

"Delightful," she swatted his shoulder softly, "was what I was going to say. Reid was interesting."

"Should have seen him five years ago," Hotch chuckled. "He babysat alone last night _and_ only rattled on about something once during breakfast. That kid is making moves. And you did great not asking if he was a genius." He winked giving her hand a squeeze.

"I can hold my own in a social situation Aaron. In case you missed me handle an integration from Derek and Dave. But I don't think JJ and Emily like me." Beth dropped her head and let out a sigh.

"Did _you_ miss the part where they were severely hung over? I think I saw Prentiss fall asleep on the table." He was going to take advantage of the hang over all he could. He wasn't sure why he was so intent on her not knowing about Emily. There was the obvious fact that they still work together and their relationship shouldn't have happened. He didn't think Beth was the jealous type. She was confident, forward, beautiful and successful. Any man was hers for the taking.

He wasn't sure if he was though.

Before Beth could respond to him Hotch pulled in lot where she left her car at the park. He cut the engine, made sure that Jack was still asleep, and walked Beth to her car.

"Thank you for coming today. To the race and to breakfast. Five profilers and Garcia is a lot to handle. Garcia on her own would be a lot to handle."

"I think you prepped me well enough," she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You did great by the way, in case I forgot to mention it. Maybe I can join you the next time you're huffing and puffing," she added seductively.

"Well I think I've had enough exercise for the next two weeks so unless you want to chase an unsub, you are out of luck," he said as evenly as a man can when being propositioned. He wasn't sure if they were to that point yet. They had plenty of lunch dates and three actual dates over the past three months. She knew about the job, about Haley and her death, a little bit about Sean and his mom. He had glazed over most of his serious injuries and the cases that lead to them. There was no reason why they shouldn't move their relationship forward.

Except that a large part of his heart still belonged to Emily. And a bit to Haley.

He was still feeling the loss of Emily acutely. And it felt wrong to be enjoying time with Beth while Emily was still reeling from her trauma and identity crisis. He wanted to support her but she was too stubborn to accept help. And he knew she needed space and time to figure it out. Being with him out in the open would only make Emily feel like she was tied to him, to D.C. And Emily Prentiss answered to no one.

"Lunch on Monday then handsome?" Beth's cheery voice brought him back.

"Budget meeting." He watched her face fall and gave a sly smile back. "But we are grounded until Thursday so pick a day and I'm all yours."

"All of you?"

Hotch shook his head trying to come off as amused rather than annoyed. "Just for lunch. I'm still covering for Strauss." He held in a sigh as she frowned. Maybe if they just it over with she'd quit hounding him. "I got to get Jack home. I'll see you later this week and I'll call you later." He leaned in to give her a quick kiss which Beth turned in to something more than quick.

Hotch finally broke them apart and got Beth in her car. All the way home he contemplated this relationship. Beth easy to be with and he was out of practice. He and Emily just fell together, no awkward dating, no warm up get to know you period. They just were. And it wasn't fair to Beth to be lead on if his heart really belonged to Emily. The clock was ticking on their deal, only four months left. Emily didn't give him any sign she was coming back. In fact she was moving farther away from him. Hotch decided to reassess by the end of the week. And come up with a way to move forward with Beth and not get her too attached.

God he hated dating.

* * *

The car ride to Reid's apartment was silent and full of tension. Reid was sulking, still upset from all the jokes as his expense and the shortness he was getting from Emily and JJ. Emily was trying to block out the last three hours from her mind, her head tipped against the headrest. It wasn't until they pulled to the curb around the corner from his building that JJ finally spoke up.

"Thank you so much for watching Henry, Spence." There was softness in JJ's voice and a wide smile on her face. "I'll call you when we've set up a museum trip. Henry would love to have you along." She placed a hand on his shoulder. Spence grunted his acknowledgement and tightened his grip on his messenger bag.

Seeing that he wasn't making for the door just yet, Emily tried to smooth things over for her part in his misery. "There's a good Korean film playing next week. My treat!"

"You don't speak Korean," Reid said skeptically.

"No, but I should learn some Asian languages and I'll have a great translator," Emily responded ruffling Reid's hair.

"I don't know what you two are up to," Reid shifted in his seat so he can see both the women's faces. He took a second to search their eyes. "But apology accepted." He gave them a little wave, slipped out of the car and turned towards his steps.

"Ok Em. Spill," JJ demanded as soon as Emily's butt hit the front seat. "You have no one else to commiserate with, come on." JJ prodded ignoring the daggers and groans coming from her friend.

Instead of heading back to her house to get Emily's car JJ headed for the nearest drive thru coffee. She ordered two coffees and headed to a park. Emily had not responded yet, but JJ could tell she was thinking about what to say. Emily's shredded fingernails gave away her anxiety. JJ cut the engine and faced Emily. And then she waited.

"He wanted to be a real couple," Emily finally choked out.

"Ok," JJ said slowly, "I thought you wanted that too."

"Before Doyle and Paris. Everything is different now." Emily let a heavy sigh then bit her lip. "I'm not the same JJ."

"Give it time, it always takes time to get back to normal after a traumatic event. And what you went through was," JJ paused to find the right word, "unimaginable."

"Tell me you're the same after your mission?" Emily asked harshly.

"It was hard but I try to focus on the now. Not the past." There was a flicker of anguish in JJ's eyes that Emily caught. She debated asking about it, but this wasn't the time.

"Well I don't have a lot of practice with that," she practically spat at JJ. The anger was bubbling up in Emily. She wasn't sure what she was mad at: the situation, Doyle, or the fact that she lost Hotch, again. "I was always thinking three moves ahead, how to get out if I need to, never getting attached. Then I got distracted by Hotch and ruined everything."

"You didn't ruin everything Em," JJ said softly as she laid a gentle had on Emily's forearm. "You did what you were supposed to do."

"I can't hurt him again, I can't risk hurting Jack," Emily said desperately.

"And how would you do that?" JJ asked her calmly.

"By leaving again. By making him think this could really work and breaking his heart again."

"Emily, you stayed through everything with the Reaper. Relationships are hard, more so with our job. It's tough but you two have already been through unspeakable things. What makes you think can't stay now?"

She took a shaking breath and picked at her fingers. "I don't know if I can be Emily Prentiss," she whispered. "I don't even know who she is without all the secrets."

"You're saying at no point in the last five years the real Emily came out? That all those things I shared with my best friend were fake?" JJ's voice was steady but there was hurt in her eyes.

Emily knew that JJ wasn't trying to be harsh but it made her feel like she let another person down. She had been honest about a lot of things with JJ and Garcia. She even mentioned Doyle, without saying it was him, when talking about old boyfriends. With all her moving and the shadowy nature of her past Emily never got to have a lot of close girl friends. And while she desperately missed Hotch while in Paris, what she had really longed for was a girl's night. One where they let her vent for a bit then comfort her with alcohol and silly jokes. She wanted her family back but she didn't know if she deserved it. They may have forgiven her, but she hadn't forgiven herself.

"I just don't know," Emily mumbled sadly hoping JJ knew it encompassed more than the previous question.

"I know Emily Prentiss. She's my best friend. The _best_ friend. She's smart, stubborn and sassy. She's a bad ass federal agent that takes shit from no man. She loves my son and the rest of our little family. She's always thinking of others. But even with all those great qualities, she's a little insecure. And _stupid_. Because she doesn't see how much we love her. How she keeps our family together. I think she needs us just as much as we need her. And I know without a doubt she is in love with Aaron Hotchner and he loves her back."

Emily finally let the tears fall. She had cried more in the last year that she had in her entire forty two years. JJ was sweet and correct in assessing Emily was insecure about those supposed good qualities. She was stubborn. And broken and jaded and adverse to commitment and drawn to danger. She wasn't what Hotch and Jack needed. As much as she wanted to be.

"I want to leave Jayje," Emily took a deep breath. "He said he wanted more, wanted us public, and I panicked and my first thought was to run."

"I get that you want a fresh start," JJ said after a few minutes of silence. "But don't shut us, or him, out. We all just want to support you. If you need to go, do it," JJ gave her a nod and a hand squeeze. "But don't run away."

The pair sat in silence drinking their coffee until Emily's tears dried and her breath evened out. Sensing the worst of Emily's emotions had passed JJ spoke up again.

"Now can we talk about the fun stuff? Like who, besides Rossi, calls him Aaron? And can I say how much she looks like you, but, this is going to sound judgmental, rounder? And was it just me, this awful hangover and the fact that I want you two together, or did she not really try to talk to us?" JJ asked quickly, sounding much more like Garcia with each question.

"RIGHT? Rossi only calls him that when he's being a friend, not a coworker. My first thought was she looked like me as Lauren, but ya know, less high end arms dealery. She may not have talked to you but she kept asking me about France and cats. OH! Do you think she knows?" Emily asked with a wide grin.

JJ's plan must have worked because she looked back at Emily with a smirk and a twinkle in her eye, "Definitely threatened."

* * *

 **AN: So this wasn't planned, it just kinda happened and a sneak peek into their thoughts on the interactions felt needed. As always let me know what you think!**


	6. Proof

"Whooo," Emily flopped back on the bed, panting, "that was amazing." She pulled the sheet over her torso, covering her scars, and turned to face the handsome dark haired man next to her. She still wasn't comfortable with them. Even though he had his own scars and completely understood, she hated the idea of him seeing that brand.

"Mmhmmm," Hotch agreed. "You should be gone more often." Emily raised an eyebrow at him. "Only if you come back so we can do that all the time," he added quickly.

"Ahh… so that's why you missed me." Emily gave a low chuckle. "I don't plan on leaving anytime soon so you're out of luck."

She was so glad to be back. She was able to be Emily again and walk around the city without looking over her shoulder. When she saw something funny her best friends were only a text away. And she got to spend time wrapped in Hotch's arms again.

"I think I can deal with that." He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead.

"I should get going, first day back tomorrow and Jack with be home soon." Emily tried to sit up but was pulled back to Hotch's chest.

"A little while longer." He ran his hand through her hair, breathing in the scent of her lemon shampoo. He felt an ache in his chest; he was happy to have her back but still worried about her. "I want to make up for lost time."

"What have we been doing for the last day and a half then?"

"Getting reacquainted." He winked at her. God she missed him. After a few more moments he asked her a question. "Are you sure you're ready to come back to work?"

"I am so ready. I was cooped up for months. There are only so many books I can read, shoes I can buy, and museums I can visit before a girl gets antsy." Emily looked a little wistful. "I'm actually looking forward to Reid's obscure facts and Morgan and Garcia's crazy flirting. Is that strange?"

"Just a little," Hotch teased.

"Tell me what's changed? What's the same? Who's joined? Who left? How's Anderson?" Emily asked rapid fire as she propped her head up on her hand.

"Seaver was with us for a while, she's moved on to another division now. Anderson is still Anderson, he seems happy in his role even though I've offered him guidance and extra training if he wants to move on. JJ is a profiler now." He paused to let Emily take it in.

"Like a full fledged honest to goodness profiler?" Her eyes were wide.

"Yeah. Her test was impressive. She was the fastest person I ever saw write up reviews. And they are the most comprehensive for a rookie."

"All that practice as liaison." She chuckled.

"Probably, I would hope that after six years working with us she learned a thing or two."

"I bet Will isn't happy she left the DOD job for being in the field full time."

"I'm not too sure. Shortly after she came back I left for Pakistan and Morgan took over the unit. But if she's anything like the rest of us, this job is something she has to do. It might make life at home seem more bearable on the surface to have regular hours and less danger. But she'd be miserable without it. Without knowing she's making a difference."

Emily could tell Hotch was thinking back to those last few years of his marriage and how much he put Haley through for his job. And now he had the added trauma of losing her. She could see the storm clouds forming behind his eyes. He stiffened under her hand that was making lazy circles on his chest.

"Hey, we talked about this," she said gently, placing a hand on his cheek, bringing his eyes to meet hers. "You are not responsible. I was doing my job, there are always risks involved. You are allowed to be sad and angry about it. But you can't keep beating yourself up." She searched his face for understanding.

He slowly nodded at her then squeezed closed his eyes, head hitting the pillow. "Are you going to give yourself a similar pep talk tomorrow when Reid and Morgan are still being petty?" He looked at the ceiling. His brow was furrowed, lips set in a tight line. Emily hated how well he knew her. It was much easier to be strong for someone else, to see their good qualities, than it was to say those things to yourself.

"Probably, but it would feel better if it came from you. Or them. Can't they just be mad at Doyle and the situation?"

"I would even take them being mad at me for plotting the whole thing. It's not like I gave you a choice, you woke up in a hospital in a different state with a fake name." He turned to her and searched her face. "Are you sure you're ready to come back? That you dealt with leaving us and yourself behind?" Emily could hear the worry and concern in his voice.

"I'm ready Hotch. I'm already seeing my mandated therapist. I spent the last five months hiding, I need to do something." Emily stretched her neck to place a kiss on his cheek wanting to end this conversation. Things were getting better but she still didn't want to discuss them. Not after a perfect weekend. "Before we get too sad and weepy I really do need to leave. Your son is due back any moment and I have some things to do around my new place. One of which is prepping a go bag." She got up taking the sheet with her towards the bathroom.

Emily took a quick shower and threw on one of Hotch's t-shirts over her jeans. There was no way she could wear the blouse he had torn off of her home. She hadn't been prepared to spend two days at his place and clothes hadn't been necessary until now. Making a last check of the bedroom she did a lap of the kitchen and living room for stray items that belong to her. Her bra was draped over the tv where it landed within the first five minutes of coming in the door, underwear still abandoned on the kitchen floor. She quickly stuffed them in her handbag.

"One of these times we need to make it out of the house." Hotch was leaning on his kitchen counter, sipping a glass of water.

"Are you asking me on a date, Agent Hotchner?" Emily saw his eyes narrow then go soft as he grinned. She loved getting that reaction out of him when she referred to him as agent.

"I think I am Agent Prentiss," he stepped right up to her chest and leaned his face down inches from hers. "Is that alright with you?"

"Yes, sir," Emily breathed, her lips inches from his. Emily dared not move, willing him to close the distance.

Just then his phone rang. He snapped it open. "Hotchner. Oh yes, Hi Jessica. Ok, I'll see you two in five then. No that's ok, I'll talk to him when he gets here. Bye."

"Saved by the bell." Emily had already moved to the door.

He followed to open the door for her. As he leaned in to give her a kiss goodbye he noticed the shirt. His lips landed at the edge of her mouth.

"Emily, is that mine?" he eyed her suspiciously.

"Yes, but unless you want your son to witness me sneaking out in your clothes you better let me go now."

"We will continue this conversation later."

"I'm sure we will." She winked and stepped into the hall before he could protest.

* * *

 **Outburst024: Between Hotch's awkwardness (and love for Emily) and Beth's forwardness I assumed Hotch would have some reservations about moving too fast. And of course JJ would be the voice of reason.**


	7. X

"Hey Hotch! How's it going?" Emily greeted him warmly has his face popped up on her screen.

"Alright. We're busy over here." He looked a bit weary to her. She could see the stack of files on his desk and the furrow in his brow was a little deeper since she saw him two months ago.

"So nothing has changed," she chuckled. She was pretending nothing had. But that kiss. It changed something in the way he looked at her.

"Thanks for talking to me on a Saturday afternoon. Looks like you're putting in a lot of hours." His eyes took in the office that surrounded her before settling back on her face.

"Got to be a good example for my subordinates. I learned that from my last boss," she winked at him. "I'm wrapping up paper work from our latest case."

"How does it feel being the boss?" He wasn't as tense or nervous as she thought he would be after their last encounter. While he was obviously stressed about work, when wasn't he, he seemed almost happy about something that was happening.

"After two years, I think we finally have the kinks worked out. They finally accepted the sassy yank is in charge. And I've managed to let go a little and not micromanage everyone. There was a few month stretch where I reminded myself of the old Strauss. It wasn't pretty," Emily said with a small grin.

All of a sudden there was a gray blur on her screen. She heard Hotch let out a gust of air then a giggle from a little boy.

"Daddy you said I could say hi to her." Once he squeezed into the frame next to his dad, Emily could see Jack's smiling face. "Hi Miss Emily! Thanks for the chocolates and the jersey. My friends are jealous of it."

"Those were for Jack. How did you get them?" Emily asked with an accusatory tone and a quizzical look on her face.

"I am Jack." He looked to his dad a bit confused.

"No way! You're too big and too handsome." Jack fell back on the couch with more laughter and Emily's grin got wider.

"Ok Jack, say goodbye. Emily and I need to discuss some work things. It should not take long and then I'll help finish your diorama."

"Ok." He looked a little sad to be sent away. "Bye Emily. Thanks again!" He was out of the frame before she could say you're welcome.

"Really, thank you. He loved the gifts and his teammates won't stop talking about the signed jersey." She could see the sincerity in his eyes. "He wants to get a frame for it so he can hang it in his room. You made finding Christmas presents a challenge."

"Sorry, I wasn't thinking about that when I got them for the boys," she blushed. "I'm sure I'll be hearing about it from JJ too," Emily said with a shake of her head. Seeing that she got a grin out of Hotch made her stomach flip. "What did you want to talk about?"

"You. Coming back." There was a look of bemusement on his face as her mouth hung open.

"Didn't we talk about this a few months ago?" It came was little louder than she should be. She saw his ear twitch towards the door to see if Jack heard from the dining room. "I like it here and _we_ ," she wiggled her finger back and forth at the screen, "can't happen again." Her heart was racing; she could feel the sweat beading on her forehead. Why did she agree to Skype? Now he could read her face.

"I wasn't talking about us," Hotch replied evenly. His lips went into a tight line and Emily ducked her head to bite at her thumb. "We could use another agent and I thought maybe now that some time has passed you would feel comfortable coming back to the unit." It took everything to keep her face neutral even though her heart was breaking at how unfazed he was.

"And pass up doing all this paper work? Not a chance." She grinned trying to hide the uneasiness she was still feeling. Seeing that he remained stone-faced she shifted into a more serious tone as well. "I have a good thing going here. And while I love the team and we worked well together, I'm not sure how that would go a third time."

"Last time it seemed like a smooth transition to have you back with everyone. That is something we could use right now." He took a breath and Emily could see he was trying to size up how she was feeling. "So you won't even consider it?"

Emily looked down at her fingers taking a moment to think over how to explain. She let out a sigh. "I consider coming home every day. But I can't work for you again."

He glared at her refusing to blink. His brows were heavily furrowed, his lips pressed tight. Emily was trying to keep her face neutral so he couldn't read her. She tried to glare back at him but as she caught her face in the thumbnail Emily realized how ridiculous she looked. He was still as stone and not wavering. Finally Emily broke.

"How do you see through those eyebrows? Seriously, how often do you trim them?" She dissolved into giggles. He continued to stare which just made her laugh harder. Her eyes pricked with tears from laughing so much. "Sorry," she said between gulps, "I've wanted to make that comment for years."

He finally broke into a wide smile. "I hope you know that you are welcome back at the BAU at anytime. I can't say that I wasn't hoping that time would be now."

"After last time I think it's wise to keep my distance."

"Emily, we worked together for five years and were able to stay professional even when we were doing what we were doing. Why would that change now?"

"Because everyone knows?" He narrowed his eyes and twitched his head willing her to explain. "Don't look at me like that. JJ knew the minute you asked her to fake my death and Garcia has asked about it. Dave tends to know how you're feeling before you do, so I'm sure he knew the first time you had an indecent thought about us." That earned her a chuckle. She wanted to add that the fact he couldn't call it a relationship didn't help.

"Dave is a perceptive one and he does enjoy meddling in my personal life," Hotch said with a shake of his head.

"Don't you think it would be hard to work together when everyone knows I ran away from us and you chose someone else?" Emily tried to hide the tears in her eyes.

"Honestly I didn't think about that. You are a good agent, a great one actually. That's the only reason I asked." He sighed and tipped his head to the side for a moment. "And now that I thought about it, it would be really awkward to have you back. I think Dave and Morgan would kick my ass for letting you walk away, so that should make you feel a little better."

Emily gave him a watery smile and a nod. She was fighting back so many emotions. There was a twinge of regret for leaving in the first place. Every time she was feeling good about what she was doing in London she was reminded of what she left behind. Whether it was someone getting hurt or being reminded of the man she loved.

"I'm sorry Emily. I feel like all I do is make things harder for you."

"I'm the one who left, I walked away. This isn't on you." She shook her head dismissing his apology. She was finally getting to a good place about the whole thing, ready to move on. Then he had to kiss her at the airport and all those memories came flooding back.

"I shouldn't have let you walk away," he said sadly. "I don't deserve your kindness Emily."

"Aaron, stop. I don't want to do this. We both did and said things and didn't do and say things that lead us here." She tipped her head back and sighed. "Can we just take this for what it is and move forward as friends? Remember when that was something we promised each other?" She finally brought her eyes back to his on the screen. Regardless of what he was saying right now he still had a girlfriend. And he wasn't leaving the BAU anytime soon so if she came back everything would be right back where it was when she left.

"I miss you," Hotch breathed out closing his eyes. "And us," he added hesitantly.

She missed them too. But London was about being Emily Prentiss. Not the ambassador's daughter, Lauren Reynolds or a CIA agent. No lies, no hidden agendas. And for once Emily was putting herself first to figure out who she was one her own. She needed to do that before she tried to be with anyone else.

"Well that's not a good enough reason to turn our lives upside down. I need to be here right now," Emily said resolutely. It was the one thing she was sure of when everything else regarding her situation with Hotch was tinged in shades of gray. She wanted to be pissed at him for missing her, for still wanting her, for making it harder. But she couldn't. There was a small, masochistic part of her heart that relished that he still loved her. "Thanks for the offer but no, I can't come back. I need to get back to work and I believe you have a diorama to supervise before Jack gets paint on the carpet. Give him a hug for me."

Hotch sat silently for a moment just looking at Emily like he was trying to memorize her. Just as Emily was starting to feel uncomfortable he finally spoke. "Have a goodnight Emily, thanks for your time."

Emily understood his unspoken words from the resignation in his voice; he knew what she was doing in London and needed to let her be. "Goodbye Hotch," she croaked out.

He gave her a last sad smile and clicked off. Emily sat staring at the screen for a few moments blinking back the tears that finally came. She gave herself two minutes get herself together until she got home. Then she would take the night to wallow. Ice cream, wine, sappy movies. One last night of sadness then she would continue to move forward and focus on the good things she has going in London.


	8. Pleasure is My Business

**AN: Reminder - these are being posted as I finish them and/or after a chapter in WTGIG as to not give anything way. There are not in chronological order. The title is the episode the took place around so don't expect them to make sense as a story the way they are posted.**

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Emily took a deep breath and raised her fist to the door. Her arm dropped back down as she dropped her head back letting out a sigh. She knew this could be bad, real bad, but she couldn't shake the look on his face when he left scene.

"Get it together Emily," she whispered to herself. She gently rapped on the door twice and held her breath. The sound of shuffling came from behind the door followed by a muffled "fuck". The chain clicked at what Emily thought was the slowest pace ever. The door wrenched open showing Emily the angry look man behind it.

"Prentiss do you really think this is the time to come looking for ass?" Emily recoiled at the harshness of his words. He stared her down and Emily reconsidered coming here. She tried to compose herself.

She swallowed and attempted to speak. "I'm…" She tried again. "I'm not here for that. I just thought you might want to talk." She looked away biting her lip. Her eyes darted back to his. "Or just some company," she added hastily. God she was so nervous and she wasn't sure why.

"I'm fine thanks." His voice was sharp and hard. He made to shut the door and Emily's hand shot out to stop it.

"I know this case was personal and I wanted to make sure you were ok and that you knew could talk to me if you needed to." Emily tried to be as soft as possible. She just wanted to help.

"Yeah, that's what I'm going to do. Someone calls me out on my failed marriage and I'm going to confide in my mistress." He was still glaring at her, nostrils flaring.

Emily stumbled back a few steps as his words dug into her chest. She never expected a relationship with him, a little part hoped, but she knew it wasn't realistic. He was still in love with Haley. She knew that going in to this. Anger bubbled up in her.

"You started this," she whispered harshly. "You came to my door, more than once if I'm not mistaken." She pushed her way into his room leaving him gaping. "I will not let you make me out to be some kind of floozy you keep on the side. We need to keep this quiet, I understand that, but you will not treat me like trash for what we're doing." Her chest was heaving, the color drained from her face. "Do you understand me Aaron?" He took a sharp breath in. It was the first time she had called him by his given name. It must have stunned him because all he could do was nod. "Good. Now I didn't come here to yell at you."

He went to the sink and started making himself a drink. Emily could see his hands shaking as he poured himself another glass of scotch from a mini bar bottle. The handful of empty ones in the trash didn't go unnoticed. Clearly Rossi was rubbing off on him. Hotch turned towards her and made a gesture she interpreted as him asking if she wanted one. She shook her head and sat in the chair in the corner.

He was leaning again the counter; ankles crossed, sleeves rolled up, and tie off. On anyone else this look would be considered casual, relaxed even. On Hotch, it just looked disheveled and worn. She stared him down, waiting for him to start talking. The hard swallow and lick of the lips let Emily know that he was carefully choosing is next words, trying to keep his walls up.

"So what? You think that we've slept together a few times that allows you to slide into the role of concerned girlfriend?" He didn't even look at her, keeping his eyes on the painting on the wall.

"This conversation has nothing to do this," Emily swirled her finger between them, "thing between us. This is about you. She called you out Hotch. It's obvious after about fifteen minutes of knowing you that honor, integrity, and your reputation are the most important things to you." Emily tried to soften her voice. She knew is she presented as a challenge he wouldn't open up. "And she made you question yourself."

"What do you want me to say Emily? That she got under my skin? That I feel like a failure because my job came before my family? That she was right that we sometimes do things to protect bad guys?" He was glaring at her now, knuckles white from the grip on his glass.

"I want you to say whatever you're thinking. Then I want to tell you about how wrong you are."

"I'm thinking that I don't want to be having this conversation. That whatever I'm dealing with outside of this office doesn't concern you or the rest of the team."

"It does concern us. We need to know where you're at mentally when in the field. Our lives depend on it." Her life especially since he seemed set of pairing them together in the field. "We don't need to know all your secrets but we need to know how certain things make each other react." She paused, waiting for him to loosen up. "I would prefer to get that information from you and not have to profile your ass."

"I'd like to see you try." It was short and cold.

Emily sighed; it felt wrong to expose him like this, even if it was just the two of them.

"You say you keep home and work separate so you can do your best in each place, so you can stay objective and impartial when you have to make tactical decisions, but it's also to keep parts of yourself hidden. You're trying to hide whatever trauma from long ago that made you so willing to sacrifice yourself for others, such a staunch believer in the law. Which is interesting because you read the rest of us so well and are the first to offer support and understanding but hate when anyone senses something wrong with you."

"That's all you got? Not much of a profile." He stared down at his glass, shaking the ice cubes around before draining the last of it.

Her lips tightened; if he wanted to play he was going to get it.

"You're the most aggressive with abusive fathers and husbands. Your father was like that, berating you and giving you impossible standards to live up to. But, damn, do you still try. That's why the rules are always followed, why you are so hard on yourself. But gentle with others, because you know what it's like to let someone down."

He said nothing, but the shift in his eyes told her she was right.

"And that boiled over to your relationship with Haley. You trying to remain calm and collected all the time, never raising your voice, never getting angry, for fear you would turn into him. And try as you might, being a doting husband wasn't enough. Because this job is a place with rules and standards that you get to be in charge of and no one can tell you that you're not enough. And that's something you won't ever give up."

"You know nothing about my marriage," he spat. Emily kept her glance trained on him. While he hadn't perceptibly moved, she could tell her was becoming more rigid as the conversation went on. She tried a softer approach.

"I can see how Megan saying you had something in common with those men hit a nerve, your father was one of those men, the kind you swore never to be like. But you have a son at home that doesn't see you enough and a wife that you couldn't make stay." His shoulders started to hunch, it gave her hope that he was really listening to what she was saying. "I know that you gave Haley all that you have and that Jack is a tangible, positive reason that you keep fighting the good fight, even when the Bureau tries to hold you back. Sometimes our best efforts just aren't enough to keep people to together."

"And sometimes our best isn't enough to get the bad guys either. You know the system isn't always perfect and that means giving up something to the bad guys to get more in return. But you keep trying anyway. You have given, and lost, so much because you wholeheartedly believe in justice." Emily paused, eyeing him for more signs of softening. She let out a breath.

"My point is you don't have to shoulder all of this alone. And that you make a difference, not just to the victims and families we see but to the team. Morgan would be in jail, Garcia would have been killed, and who knows what hole Reid would be in. We need you. But we need all of you, the strong you. Sometimes that requires letting people in and letting some things out. You don't have to do this alone."

Hotch had slipped down the bar and was now in a heap on the floor. He was staring at the carpet in between his feet, practically catatonic, with tears trickling down his face. Emily gently slid down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. It was as much contact as she dared. After ten minutes his breathing evened out. Emily glanced his way noticing he had dozed off. She gently coaxed him on to the bed stripping off his pants and button up. A little chuckle escaped her. If he knew what was happening, he would be red with embarrassment.

Before clicking off the lamp Emily leaned close running her fingers through his hair. She whispered, "We don't need a super hero, we just need you. You are enough." With a last look back she left him to sleep.


	9. 25 to Life

"Are you feeling ok?" Hotch asked looking up from the peppers he was slicing for 'Stir-fryday' at Emily's apartment. It was actually a Saturday but their Friday night plans got bumped due to a case that finished Friday afternoon. Hotch wasn't sure if they actually managed to make dinner on a Friday.

"Hmm…yeah," Emily answered absentmindedly, knife poised in mid air and gazing off into the living room.

"You seem a little distracted," he stated cautiously.

"Just a lot on my mind this week," Emily dismissed it with a wave of the hand. "I don't want to ruin our dinner over it."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Emily just shook her head and took a sip of wine. "We can do dinner another night. We all have off days."

Emily snorted. 'Another night' meant a month from now. Every time they tried to plan a date something always came up. It was best to take whatever time they were given. "I'll be fine."

"Would you rather join JJ and Garcia?" he asked gently coming up behind her. "I heard they had movie plans."

"Why would I want to be with them as opposed to spending night with you?"

"I was thinking as opposed to being alone with your thoughts," he said calmly. "Girl's night usually cheers you up."

"But I want to spend time with you," it was almost a whine. She leaned into his chest. "I'm fine really."

"Ok," he said resolutely, "I'll finish cooking while you take a bath.".

"I thought we were supposed to do this together?"

"Let me take care of you, sweetheart," he said firmly taking the knife from her hand and leading her to her bedroom.

Emily reluctantly followed. She hated it when she needed support. She wasn't used to someone caring for her in that way. She picked a book and slowly stripped her clothes while Hotch filled the tub. When she walked in the bathroom she was overwhelmed by the candles, soft music and fragrant bubbles. He constantly surprised her with how sweet he was. Once she was settled in the water he left with a kiss on her head.

Thirty minutes later Emily came out of her room feeling only marginally better. Her body was very relaxed but her mind was still going a mile a minute. Hotch tried to distract her throughout dinner with stories of Jack and his days in SWAT. It wasn't working very well. She would get lost in thought halfway through a story. After loading the dishwasher, Hotch settled them on the couch with tea. Emily was wrapped in Hotch's arms leaning against his chest. They sat in silence watching the snow swirl outside the window.

"Emily," he whispered running his hand down her arm when he heard her sniffling.

"I'm sorry," she whispered wiping her eyes and moving to sit up. "It's just an emotional day."

"No need. I'm here, right here if you need me."

"It's the anniversary of Matthew's death. I didn't expect it to hit me like this," she shook her head. "It wasn't this bad last year."

"Do you want talk about him?"

She nodded tentatively and took a sip of her tea. "Matthew, John and I met in Rome when I was fourteen. We went to the same school and our parents were all in the same social circle. We became a trio of misfit diplomatic offspring. Matthew was quiet most of the time but he was so smart and witty when he wanted to be. He had such a kind soul. JJ reminds me of him sometimes. John was the wild one."

"Not you?" he asked angling his head to glimpse her face.

"I wasn't yet," she shook her head. "Rome was our fifth posting and I was desperate to fit in. I tagged along with whatever the older boys were doing. When John started smoking and drinking so did I. We would sneak off at all the dinners to play cards and drink stolen wine. In the afternoons we would hang out in the piazzas making fun of tourists instead of going to class," Emily laughed nervously then took a sip of her tea.

"I…I…was fifteen when I found out I was pregnant." Emily sat up and shifted away from Hotch. She couldn't look at him if she wanted to get this out. Emily was focused on picking her nails in her lap. "John, at sixteen, wanted nothing to do it or me. He left me all alone to face the consequences. I was too afraid to tell my mother. I thought her reputation mattered more than I did. I didn't know if she would send me away and make me give the baby up or just disown me and let me fend for myself. Matthew was the only one I told."

Hotch sat quietly while she spoke, training his face to remain soft but blank as she spoke. He had an idea of where this was going.

"He took me to our priest to ask for guidance. Matthew believed that God was forgiving and everything would be alright. You can imagine how that went over. I was too overwhelmed by what would happen if anyone found out to even think about my choices. I was just a little kid pretending to be grown. But Matthew helped me every step of the way. He was with me at the clinic. And when it was over, he led me back to church, against the wishes of the priest."

"After that we both strayed from the Catholic teachings. I became withdrawn and started drinking more. I eventually got myself together when we moved back to the States the following year. But Matthew never came back. He wasn't just lost, he was angry. So angry. At the world and at God. And I left him in Italy with strict parents who pushed him away. He got into drugs to escape and was never the same. His parents blamed me. He was the perfect altar boy before I dragged him into my mess." Emily's voice and risen and there was a spark of anger in her eyes when she looked at up Hotch.

"And because of that he ended up in Galicia, he ended up a target of Father Savino. And now he's dead." She fell into his arms as the tears fell again.

"I'm sorry," he murmured into her hair when she had quieted again.

"For what?" she choked out.

"That you ever felt that alone. That you carried this guilt around for years. That there is nothing I can do to make you feel better about either situation. That I didn't support you after his death."

"Does it make me a bad person," her voice wavered, "that I only feel guilty about ruining Matthew's life and not the abortion?"

"No," he said firmly, "You are not a bad person Emily. You made the best decision for you at that time."

"Even when it happened I was more worried about upsetting my mother and what people would think. I wasn't concerned with the life I took. When I think about it now, I just feel the shame of teenage pregnancy and the emptiness of being alone."

"You were conditioned to think about appearances. And you were scared. But think about all the lives you've been able to save because you went to college and joined the FBI. That wouldn't have happened if you had a child at fifteen." He continued running his hands up and down her back. "Maybe you could have made a different choice but you can't change that now."

They were silent for a while. Emily was clinging to his chest. When her tears dried she leaned back from him. Hotch kept hold of her hands in his lap.

"Do you feel better now?" he whispered.

"A little."

"Emily," he paused, not sure how she would react, "have you told your mother?"

"No," she sniffed. She hoped her tone conveyed determination not to discuss her mother rather than bitterness about their relationship. Emily knew that her mother was not as bad as she made her out in her mind. Or at least she didn't have sinister intentions. But forty one years of iciness and being misunderstood could not be fixed with an apology and a hug. "Rossi knows, so do JJ and Garcia. They were with me last year."

"Thank you for sharing this with me." He kissed her hands. "I know it's hard for you."

Emily gave him a sad smile and settled back against him. The snow had picked up as a storm moved in. Fat white flakes swirled in a cloud blocking the city view. Both watched, mesmerized by the glittering snow banks forming. Eventually, due to holding Emily close for the last two hours, Hotch's hands started to migrate to the bare skin showing from where her t-shirt had ridden up. He was stroking the soft skin along her side, getting dangerously close to the underside of her breast. Emily tangled her fingers with his to prevent them from making it any farther up her shirt.

"Hotch," she said in a way that conveyed both resolve and regret. While talking about Matthew and the abortion had made her feel less ashamed she still wasn't one hundred percent focused. She didn't want to start anything she knew she wouldn't be finishing.

"Yeah," he responded as almost as a sigh and moving his hand to a safer location on her thigh. He knew this wasn't the time to be getting frisky.

"Thank you for tonight," she said softly after a few more minutes of silence. "And every night actually. I don't know what I did to get you in my life."

"You showed me how caring and loyal you are. Being a stubborn ass helped too." Hotch let his own grin show as Emily let out a slightly amused huff.

"I was persistent, not stubborn," she rolled her eyes. "But right now my ass is tired."

"Ok, let's get you to bed then." Hotch gently untangled their limbs and stood to offer her a hand off the couch.

"Really, thank you for tonight. It was just what I needed." Emily pecked his cheek and led him down the hall. She wouldn't ever stop feeling guilty about what happened in Rome and the events that it started. But with Hotch, and her family, by her side she could manage the pain.


	10. Rememberance of Things Past

**AN: This piece is a little more M, a T at least, than the others in this collection.**

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"What are we going to do about JJ?" Emily asked lifting her head slightly to look at him.

"I'm not replacing her," he replied as he continued to run his hand up and down her arm. She was curled against his side on the couch at his apartment. It was the night after their first case without JJ. After the long case and the loss of JJ they needed some time to just hold one another.

After realizing four nights sneaking around the team and one Jack free night at home a month was not enough, they found a way to sneak in a few extra hours a week. If they had a tough day, Emily would come over after Jack went to bed so they could talk and cuddle. Except for this time she interrupted superhero play time. After no less than three bed time stories, two of which Jack demanded 'Miss Em'ly' read to him, the adults got some time to alone.

"But how are we going to handle her work load?" Emily felt him stiffen beneath her had on his chest. His silence told her exactly what he was thinking. "No, you do enough."

"Dave and Morgan are already doing some of my paperwork so I can get home to Jack. I'll just give them more so I can handle intake," he gave a little shrug trying not to disturb her head on his shoulder. "We are not replacing her," he said again with determination.

"I guess this means I'm not going anywhere," Emily said in a huff.

"You were leaving?" He asked incredulously.

"We talked about this. We were going to evaluate if we were ready to go public and find me a new job so you could stay with the BAU. But now I have to stay, you can't lose us both."

"No, I can't lose my best girls," he sighed.

"I'm going to ignore the fact that you referred to us as your 'girls,' and I won't let Garcia know she wasn't included in them, because you're distraught." Emily let out a little small laugh. "But seriously I was looking forward to an actual date." She could tell Hotch was lost in thought. Normally he would tease her about being so sure she was staying around. "You miss her already don't you?" she said softly.

"Of course I do, she's a vital part of our team. And they just took her away from us."

"You sound like Reid," she teased. Reid had taken it the hardest. He was like a little kid learning Santa wasn't real when he found out. JJ was his best friend after all.

"JJ and I worked very closely together, I trained her. I want her to succeed not only on the job, but as a parent too. It'll be nice for her to be home with Henry. I'm proud of her and sad at the same time."

Emily curled in closer to his side. She would miss JJ too. Not only was JJ fantastic at her job managing the press but all the work she did coordinating interviews and tracking leads was crucial to their success. She helped to take some of the pressure off the team by letting them focus on the victimology and profile.

Then there was the fact that JJ provided a much need mental break from the dead bodies and traumatized victims. They may be the profilers but she knew when someone needed a joke, a hug or a cup of tea. She was one of the few who could always get Hotch to relax. And Hotch did seem to have a soft spot for her. She could convince him that any case was worth taking, worth the resources of five profilers, a liaison, a tech analyst and a jet crew.

Emily's mind started to wonder just how JJ managed her get Hotch wrapped around her perfectly manicured finger. She lifted her head so she could study his face while she pondered the possibilities.

"What's with that look? That's your 'I'm up to something look.'"

"Did you and JJ…" she asked hesitantly, "ever?" Her eyebrows wiggled suggestively to hint at her meaning.

"What? No! She's way too young for me!" Hotch pulled away, checking over his shoulder for Jack, then turned to look at Emily properly.

"So you never thought about it?"

"No," he said a little more calmly. "She's a wonderful person and attractive, but no. She's like a younger sister."

"Not even one little fantasy?" Emily asked with a twinkle in her eye.

"I was married and then there was you. Why would I think about her when I have you?" He asked pulling her back in and placing a kiss on her head.

"I have," Emily said lightly, burying her head back against his chest. "No shame in telling you."

"What?" He pushed her off again looking at her with wide eyes.

"A little too doe-eyed country girl for my taste but like you said," Emily shrugged, "she's damn attractive." Emily gave him a wink, "Great ass."

"Emily I honestly can't tell if you are trying to shock me into revealing something or if you really are attracted to her." He let out a defeated sigh, "You know how much it hurts my pride when I can't read you."

"Little column A, little column B," she said waving her hand. "You didn't know?"

"Know what?"

"I thought it would be in a file somewhere when you were doing security checks for the Ambassador," Emily huffed.

"I was checking the staff, not your family. Know what Emily?" he asked with a little more force.

"That I go both ways," she said quickly. "As if the low life boys I dated weren't enough to piss my mother off. She could never tell if they were a girl friend or a girl _friend_ until we were making out in the middle of some state dinner," she let out a mischievous laugh that earned her a glare and a shush from Hotch.

"Ah so you've always had a penchant for trying to piss people off," he chuckled. "That's why you drive me crazy, a lifetime of practice." He finally pulled her back to him, bringing her legs over his lap and wrapping his arms around her waist.

"This is usually the part where the guy asks about a three way."

"You are all mine Emily Prentiss. You are all I need." He placed a few kisses on her neck. "Often more than I can handle. Add someone else and you might finally kill me."

"That's the best anyone has ever taken it. Not that I share that with a lot of people."

"I don't care about your past." He stopped nuzzling her neck to look her in the eye to clarify. "I do, I care about what makes you, you, but whoever you were with doesn't matter. They were idiots for giving you up." He placed a gentle kiss on her lips then buried his head in her neck again.

"So you don't want to hear about them? My past girlfriends," Emily practically sighed as Hotch nipped her ear.

"Only if you really feel the need to share. And there's no one's ass I need to kick for treating you badly is there? Guy or girl."

"No. Morgan already offered," she said nonchalantly.

"How did he find out?" Hotch stopped the sucking and brought his head up again.

"He noticed my vague wording. People, partners, they." She flicked her hand in the air to punctuate each word. "Plus that trip to Montana. He made fun of my tactical pants and boots. He called me "Butch" and next thing I know he had my Glock against his crotch."

"That's my girl," he kissed her hair. Emily quirked an eyebrow at the seconded use of 'girl' in the same night.

"I wasn't hiding it. I'm not ashamed." She turned her head to look him in the eyes. "I was just trying to keep it private and we are all in each others lives so much."

"So you and JJ?" he winked trying to turn the conversation light hearted again.

"We kissed once," Emily admitted. Hotch kept staring at her so she decided to elaborate. "We had a girl's night and I told her and Garcia about an old girlfriend. She said she always wanted to know what kissing another woman was like. So we did. It was pretty tame," she shrugged.

"But you thought about her, had fantasies of being with her?"

"Not while I'm with you. If that's what you're worried about. With you I can't think about anything." With that Emily leaned back into him with a relentless kiss, both hands in his hair. She had enough of his teasing kisses. Eventually she moved to straddle his lap, and pushed Hotch back against the cushions. They had been going almost non-stop for three weeks and the one day they had free Jack was sick. She was in desperate need of him.

"Emily," he warned.

"What if I promise to be really, really quiet," she said when she broke from his skin to focus on unbuttoning his shirt. "And fast." His hands grabbed her wrist to still her movements. In retaliation she swirled her hips against his groin. She knew he wanted this too. "Please. I need you."

"You know I want to." His hands moved to her hips to prevent any more grinding. Emily let out a low whine. "But Jack is down the hall." She knew the rules about what they could and couldn't do with Jack home. And Emily loved to push the boundaries.

They were having a silent staring contest, a battle between their two stubborn wills, to see who might break first. And Hotch was losing something awful because Emily's tantalizing chest was in his face.

"I might have a solution," he finally said. Emily gave him a malicious smile.

Hotch gently laid her back on the couch and grabbed a blanket from the other end, throwing it over their laps. His fingers deftly undid her pants and snaked underneath the fabric. They dipped, swirled and flicked, eliciting soft moans from Emily. Her chest labored under the deep breaths and her face flushed. Hotch got so lost in the pleasure on her face that he stilled his movements. Emily snapped her eyes up to him and bucked her hips.

"You are exquisite," he breathed running his thumb along her cheek. "You know I hate when we take advantage of you for cases." Hotch scrunched his eyes shut and shook his head to block out the image of that kid looking at her like a piece of meat. "It makes my skin crawl to have those men looking at you like that."

Emily turned her head and kissed his palm. "That is sweet but…" Emily nodded towards her lap. "I'm a big girl. I can take it," she added when he hadn't moved.

"Stay the night," he said suddenly.

"What?"

"Stay."

Emily sat up with a little groan as his fingers slipped out of her. "Why tonight?"

"Because you deserve more than this." He tipped his head indicating their haphazard tangle of legs and blankets on the couch.

"Five minutes ago this was a stretch of the rules. Now you want to break them?" Emily was feeling slightly confused. This was what she had wanted but the look in his eye was throwing her off.

"You don't want to?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Not just because you are feeling overprotective. You'll regret it in the morning when you make me sneak out before Jack gets up." She was looking at him intently, trying to read his thoughts. He wasn't giving her anything other than the same puppy dog eyes her was before. "I should head home." She carefully removed her legs from his and did up her pants.

"Emily," he pleaded getting up after her, "I don't want to leave this like this."

"Aaron, I'm fine. We're fine. I'll see you at work tomorrow." She leaned in to kiss his cheek. He grabbed her shoulders to hold her in place.

"You know that I want to give you more than this right? Emily I..." he trailed off. He couldn't get the words out. There was a look in his eye that she had only seen when they were making love. It was intense yet calm at the same time.

"I know you do," she said with determination in response to both of his thoughts. "I knew what I was getting into when we agreed to this." She gave him another kiss and turned for the door. He leaned on the door frame and watched her walk down the hallway.

"Text me when you get home," he called. She gave a wave of recognition. He locked up and picked up the house. His mind was to full of worry to go to bed. Finally his phone beeped.

 **Home safe and sound. Cuddled up with Sergio.**

He felt a pang of jealousy, wishing he could be that stupid cat she loved so much. Another beep brought him back.

 **FYI I feel the same way**

It was as close to an 'I love you' that they had gotten. He felt comforted knowing she had understood and wasn't pushing for anything more. Knowing that things with them would be alright he finally crawled into bed then sent her a text back.

 **Goodnight sweetheart**

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 **AN: So I changed this ending, it was bothering me.**


	11. Rite of Passage

**This is a continuation of "In the Name of Honesty" from WTGIG. I suggest revisiting that chapter first.**

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Hotch ran his hands across the warm skin Emily's lower back as her sweater rode up. The full weight of her soft curves were pressed against him as they laid on the couch. They were methodically tracing every crevice of each other's mouths. Hotch was enjoying soaking up every bit of Emily.

She was not however.

She was attempting to unbutton Hotch's shirt and was starting to mover her hips against his. Wanting to avoid making their relationship all about sex, Hotch tried to slow things down. Emily was reluctant to follow, giving a growl when he tried to move her hand away from his buttons. After a moment of struggling against him, she eventually settled with her head on his chest, their hands entwined on his chest.

"When you said 'take things slow' did that mean sex too?" There was a little smile mixed with annoyance in her voice.

"No, it didn't," Hotch smirked at her. "Are you sure you want to move forward after everything I said and did? Is there anything you want to talk about?" No matter what she said, he wasn't ok with how he treated her. Even if it was for her safety.

"You don't need to worry," she smiled up at him. "I knew you didn't mean those words, you aren't that kind of guy."

"But even before, you never confronted me about sleeping with you then ignoring you." He couldn't keep the regret out of his voice.

"I was able to keep my distance before because I wasn't expecting anything more than what we were doing," she said simply.

"Really?"

"Really. Why would you want to be with me?" She paused letting him think about it. "I'm not fishing for compliments. But we barely knew each other outside of work and you were coming off a divorce. You're a traditional guy, tied to D.C. and I'm used to moving every four years on a whim. I didn't think we were compatible."

"What changed?"

"I found a reason to stay," Emily said quietly. At Hotch's raised eyebrow she quickly followed up. "I mean the team, not just you. And I think you have loosened up a little, learned to share a little more of yourself with the rest of us."

"And here I was baffled about why you were sleeping with me. Thinking you didn't want anything I had to offer because I was a divorced dad and so serious all the time."

"I did want you. I just didn't think it was possible. And being divorced or a dad aren't negatives you know. Being a workaholic grouch is," she said playfully tapping his chest.

"We are idiots," Hotch said with shake of his head. "We were too afraid to see what was in front on us. I can't believe I missed out on knowing you earlier."

"Would you have?" Emily tipped her head up to look at his face. "Do you really think you were ready for something so soon? I don't know all the details, and you don't need to tell me, but you seemed pretty rattled by the divorce. I don't think we would have gotten anywhere."

"You are right."

"What was that? Say it again." She shifted a little to look at him fully.

"You, Emily Prentiss, were right. It's a good thing we waited until we were ready." He pulled her closer to his side. They laid in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Hotch moved her so he could sit up and face her. "Emily, I don't want to screw this up. But my experience with dating is twenty years old."

"And?" Emily asked wondering where all this was going

"What do you expect out of me?" He asked slowly. "As a boyfriend."

"Oh god, you really are going to make me sign a contract," she sighed while rolling her eyes. Hotch gave her an imploring stare. "Well first, 'boyfriend' sounds like we are in high school. Partner, significant other, I don't care what. Not boyfriend. Second, I hope you are nothing like my other relationships."

"That bad?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Well they were either like Rawson," Hotch's grimace at his name didn't go unnoticed by Emily, "good for _company_ when it was convenient but nothing more, or we only get a few dates in because they can't handle the fact that I do a 'man's' job," Emily finished with an eye roll.

"Or that you can kick their ass," Hotch grinned.

"And there's that," she laughed, leaned into his side, and then sighed. "You said you wanted to take things slow, what does that mean?"

"That we take time to get to know each other. And more of this. I like this." He ran his hand down her side and kissed her head. One of the things he missed most after his divorce was presence of a woman. And it had nothing to do with sex. He missed the sweet smell and warm skin and soft curves that he got to experience with Haley tucked safely in to his side.

"Hmm… this is nice," Emily purred leaning in closer and wrapping an arm around his waist.

"I was thinking a date night or two each month," Hotch said absentmindedly.

"Let's just feel things out and not make promises we can't keep. We can always adjust. I _can_ promise that if I have a problem you will hear about it."

"Keeping this a secret doesn't make you uncomfortable?" he looked down at her. "I would never suggest it if I weren't for our situation."

"And you weren't afraid of Strauss," she chuckled.

"Only because she could finally retaliate for Milwaukee," he tried to defend himself. "And I can't let you take the hit when I am just as involved."

"Until we know what this is and how to navigate it, we need to keep it private. We can always reevaluate if we get serious," she tried to be a nonchalant as possible. She normally wasn't one to get too wrapped up in where a relationship was going. But this was different. Not just because they worked together. This was the first time Emily could actually picture something long term.

"Serious meaning?" He liked serious, was meant for serious. But he wasn't ready for it.

"You want me around enough to tell Strauss about us."

"What?" He moved to be able to look at her face.

"If we are willing to torpedo our careers by telling Strauss then we can explore options outside the unit for me. We don't actually have to tell her," she said quickly as it was all forming in her head. "Waiting until I transfer is probably a better idea."

"You would leave the BAU for me?" Hotch's mouth hung open.

"We both know you won't leave unless you are forced," she said pointedly. "And I can easily get a translator or counterintelligence job at any agency."

"Somebody is a little full of themselves." He playfully poked her side.

"Seven languages, 16 years living overseas, masters in psychology and a few years of profiling under my belt," she listed each one off on her fingers. "I just know what I'm working with."

He couldn't resist the confident smile on her face. Reaching up to cup her jaw, he pulled her lips to his, pressing against the smile. Her stubbornness and cockiness were two qualities her found extremely alluring. He was in so much trouble.

What he meant as gentle kiss quickly became a make out session. With each moan she made it became harder to pull away. Emily moved for the buttons on his shirt once more. She was determined to move things along.

"Emily," he breathed as he stopped her hands once again.

"Can't I catch a break?" she cried in frustration sitting up again.

"Sorry," he ducked his head and pursed his lips. "Now that were not in the heat of the moment I'm a little self conscious."

"You?" She looked him up and down. "Self conscious? About what?" Hotch gestured to his abdomen and it hit her. His scars. "Ohhh."

"I was so focused on being with you again I didn't have time to think about it last time," he said quietly as he forced himself to look at her. He knew he was lucky, he had a great surgeon that closed that stabs wounds wonderfully. And after years in the FBI he knew how to let them heal so they would be less visible. His chest hair covering most of them was a plus. It was more of what they represent that made his stomach churn when he caught a glimpse in the mirror.

"I didn't think about it either. I barely noticed." The feel of his hands and mouth on her skin that night prevented her from being able to think. And afterwards she had been so caught up in the fact that he wanted her to stay and the confessions that came that his body wasn't on her radar. "And while I thoroughly appreciate this whole thing," she circled her hand around indicating his body, "you got going on. That's not why I'm here. I mean it's great, the sex is really, really… not the point," she said quickly as she felt herself getting flushed at the memories. "I'm here for this." She placed her hand on his heart.

"Emily, I…" he trailed off. He didn't know how to put into words what he was feeling. It wasn't like he was constantly hounded by women but he knew he was fit and attractive. He knew from the few school events he was able to attend that PTA moms drooled over him because he was an involved father. But it had been some time since someone had expressed attraction to who he was as a person. It was who he was that caused Haley to leave.

"You are loyal, driven, compassionate, and understanding," Emily listed in between kisses on his neck and collar bone. As she undid another button on his shirt her mouth followed. "That's what I want. The rest is a bonus. A really nice bonus." Emily only made it half way down his chest before Hotch pulled her back up to a intense kiss.

"Ok, you win," he breathed into her ear. There was something about Emily's words that put him as ease. Her tongue on his chest may have helped a bit too.

"Hmmm…I think I already have." A grin passed her lips as he moved a hand to pull off her sweater.


	12. Tribute

"Shots! Shots! Shots!" Garcia slapped her hands on the table with each word.

Rossi raised an eyebrow towards Tara as JJ deftly moved the bottle of tequila under the table. This was the second round of shots Garcia was calling for. They had finished eating about twenty minutes ago and were just enjoying each other's company.

Loudly.

Rossi was already planning to leave a hefty tip. Thankfully the staff didn't seem to mind the rowdy table of seven. Or that they brought their own bottle of tequila.

"You kids have fun. I'm too old for that."

"I'm not back to my drinking weight after Michael and I have to drive home," JJ begged off.

"The doctors said that excessive alcohol can trigger my migraines so I will also pass." No one said anything but ever since his battle with dilaudid Reid avoided alcohol. He would sip on something non alcoholic throughout the night and had a knack for getting out of Garcia's forced rounds.

"Boo! Hiss! You guys are no fun!" Garcia cried.

"Actual doctors?" Emily asked Reid with a grin setting off another round of belly laughs from the team and a confused look from Tara. Explaining the story of how Reid cleared himself for flight effectively distracted Garcia from the shots for a moment.

"Smooth," Hotch whispered near her ear.

"I've had a lot of practice evading Garcia over the years," Emily smirked at him.

Hotch got another jolt to the gut. After the plates were taken away they had congregated on one side of the table, pushing him closer to Emily. Every time she turned her head to say something he got a familiar whiff of lemon and mint. It brought with it waves of bittersweet memories. It was taking all his self control not to reach out to touch her.

"What about you bossman? Are you in for a shot?" Garcia's words broke through the fog in his mind.

The table was eyeing him expectantly. Three full glasses sat in a row with an empty forth. Hotch looked between Tara and Emily before landing on Tara in a silent plea to get him out of this.

"When in Rome," Tara quipped with a slight shake of her head.

Hotch finally gave a slight nod to Garcia and silently praised himself for joining in with the team as Garcia squealed with delight. It had been a tough month, Reid and Garcia were still acutely mourning Morgan's departure and he and JJ were finally settling in to their old dynamic after she disobeyed him.

"Are you sure Aaron?" Rossi asked cautiously. "These young ladies could end up drinking you under the table."

"Why not? We are celebrating and Jack is with Jessica tomorrow."

After spotting the bottle of tequila under Emily's arm and the twinkle in Garcia's eye on their way to the parking garage, Hotch called Jessica to keep Jack late the next day. Nothing good ever came from an excited Garcia and alcohol. At least nothing good for him. Something told him the next morning he would want to be without a rambunctious ten year old.

The four clinked their shot glasses and threw back the tequila.

"Why are we drinking this?" Tara choked out as her glass hit the table.

"To celebrate!"

"But why tequila?"

"I lost a bet to Morgan and he left it behind," Emily clarified.

"Oohhh," JJ and Reid perked up at the memory.

Halloween always seemed to bring out some of their strangest cases; guys taunting women with their own face, arsonists, Mexican cross-dressing serial killers. That October was no different with the guy trying to make his own Frankenstein's monster. Morgan and Emily started a bet about how many literary references Reid would make on the way home.

"Anyway," Emily drawled out, cutting Garcia off, "I refused to fuel any of his fantasies by wearing his costume choice so I bought the bottle instead."

"I thought it was because you were embarrassed?" Reid piped up.

"Well you can remember it how you want too…" Emily rolled her eyes.

"You mean the right way," Reid mumbled a little too loudly to JJ.

"I just don't like costumes ok," Emily huffed, shooting Reid an icy glare.

Feeling the tequila warming his veins Hotch whispered in Emily's ear, "You sure enjoyed wearing that Wonder Woman outfit for me," recalling their first Halloween together. Emily covered her surprise by feigning a cough and taking a sip of water. She may have been tipsy but she didn't think she was drunk enough after two margaritas and two, now three, shots to imagine that coming out of Hotch's mouth. She was sure he hadn't turned into that much of light weight either. Something like that was impossible with Rossi as a friend.

Hotch had been thinking about her all night, ever since they spoke via web cam on the plane really. She looked drained and tired throughout the case. He wanted nothing more than to take her worries away. When he last saw her at Morgan's wedding she looked radiant, confident and happy. Glimpses of that fiery woman were coming back as she joked with her friends.

It was getting harder to keep his hands to himself between the alcohol, the twinkle in her eye and the way she kept leaning over him to say something to Tara. Every time her graceful neck appeared in front of his face he wanted to put his lips on her. There was a spot just below her ear, one that made her emit the most wonderful sounds, that was calling to him.

He knew she was seeing someone. It made him sick to think of another man touching her, loving her. He wanted to know how far this guy would go to protect her and make her happy. Nothing short of givig up his life was acceptable to Hotch. And he knew he should be doing the respectable thing and give her space. But she was his. No matter what happened or the distance between them he would always want to be with her. He refused to let her ignore the spark that was still there.

As Reid was droning on about Halloween statistics Emily felt a long finger rubbing against the exposed skin just above her hip. She tried to keep her face neutral and not to jump at the electricity shooting through her. No one else seemed to notice so she risked a glance at Hotch. He was laughing at something Rossi had said, acting completely unaware of what his hand was doing underneath the edge of her sweater.

Emily wasn't stupid. She knew how he had been looking at her all night. And she had been encouraging it with subtle touches and glances. She couldn't count the number of times her hand had brushed his knee anymore. It was hard not to fall into old habits. Their chemistry was there, right below the surface. And there was something exhilarating about sneaking around again. She couldn't help herself.

"Another!" Garcia called. Most of the table just groaned.

It took Emily all of three seconds to decide she was in. Maybe it was the relief of finally closing that case or being surrounded by her family again. Or it could be the alcohol breaking her carefully constructed defenses. But she wanted Hotch. She needed another dose of liquid courage to make her move.

"What's brunch with my Mother without a hang over?" Emily said motioning for Garcia to pass the bottle. She eyed Hotch, challenging him to one more. The glass swung between her fingers tauntingly. When Hotch licked his lips, Emily knew she had him. It took everything she had not to let out a hiss of approval. She downed the burning liquid and let her hand drop to Hotch's thigh.

She knew she shouldn't be doing this. Mark was waiting for her back in London. In the month since this case popped up again he had been supportive. He was doing all the right things; giving her space when she asked, offering to listen, soothing her back to sleep when she woke drenched in sweat. Yet she didn't want to open up to him. Mark wasn't who she wanted to celebrate this win with. What she wanted in this moment was to get lost in Hotch like she used to all those years ago.

Visibly Hotch hadn't reacted as Emily's fingers began dancing down his inner thigh but she could hear his ragged breaths. She stifled a gasp has she brushed his already hard cock. Knowing that she had the power to arouse him that much with such a little touch turned her on. Hotch caught her eye and gave Emily a barely perceptible wink. She knew the surprise and excitement were written all over her face.

"JJ, I love your scrawny little butt but I will destroy you if you take away my bottle again," Garcia threatened as she tried to pour her fourth shot in an hour.

"Ok, PG you are cut off." Emily commanded as JJ attempted to wrangle the bottle from Garcia, who had surprisingly strong hands. "Remember Carmen SanDiego?" Emily warned from across the table never taking her hand away from Hotch. With a yelp the bottle was released.

Using the commotion as cover, Hotch took a chance. "Want to get out of here?" he breathed. Emily gave him a small squeeze in response.

Rossi, as always, gave them the perfect out by being the first to suggest leaving. "Ok kids, I'm going home. I hope I don't see you all for a very long time."

"I should get home to my boys. Spence, am I dropping you off?" JJ asked as she gathered her purse.

"Nooo! We're celebrating Emily being here. You can't leave!"

"Yeah, I'm out too," Tara conceded. "After this last week my bed is calling my name after a long soak in my tub."

"Mmmm…" Emily moaned as Hotch's fingers skirted dangerously close to her crotch. "That sounds wonderful," she added hastily when everyone turned to look at her.

"Peaches, please say you are not staying at some cold hotel. Come stay with me."

"I'm staying at my Mother's," Emily lied smoothly. She had intended to stay at a hotel but now she was surely going home with Hotch. Knowing her tenuous relationship with her mother, Garcia would back off.

"But when will I see you again?" Garcia was up and practically in Emily lap with a hug before her question was finished. Emily quickly removed her hand from Hotch's lap hoping it wasn't too obvious.

"Pen, you can come visit me anytime. Before I leave to tomorrow I'm going to see baby Hank, you should come with me," Emily released Garcia to say goodbye to the rest of her friends. The fact that Hotch stayed seated as the rest exchanged hugs was not lost on Emily. Eventually the group made their way outside to say their final goodbyes.

"JJ you're taking Spencer, I've got Garcia." As Rossi spoke as very inebriated Garcia crashed into his side, flinging her arms around him. After giving a side long glance at the blonde head on his shoulder Rossi continued. "Tara are you good? What about you kids?"

"Em, I could-"

"Hotch, want to share a taxi?" Emily asked, cutting JJ off. She was standing slightly too close to Hotch, ignoring the looks from all her friends. She craved the feel of his touch again. Nothing at this point was going to distract her from her goal.

"Sure," Hotch slurred with an over exaggerated shrug. The three shots were really starting to hit him. He grinned at the twinkle in her eye when he agreed.

"Ok," Rossi drew out with a knowing glance towards JJ. "Let's get your bag and Emily's out of my car." He placed Garcia in his front seat with a half hearted admonishment not to throw up. After getting her safely tucked away Rossi made his way around to the open trunk for a slightly swaying Hotch. "Just don't do anything I wouldn't do," Rossi said seriously. Drunk one and drunk two weren't as covert as they thought they were. It was obvious how this night was going to end before the shots started.

"I already called a cab, should be here in less than five," JJ announced as the two men walked back over with the bags. "Tara took off and Reid's waiting in the car but give me one more hug." JJ pulled Emily into a tight hug. "Make good choices," JJ whispered in Emily's ear before she let her go.

"Oh it will be good," Emily mumbled as JJ walked to her car.

Hotch and Emily were left standing alone waiting for their cab. He immediately placed his arms around her waist and pulled her in. Emily curled into him to brace herself from the chilling wind. The taxi pulled up and Emily slid in while Hotch dealt with their bags. As he came back around the side of the taxi he had a moment of clarity.

This was a big step towards becoming what they once were. If they did this, this was it for him, he wasn't letting her go, at least not easily. It would mean her ending things with Mark, racking up frequently flier miles and telling Jack. It would also be late night texts and having someone to share the burden with again. It would bring back that constant fluttery feeling he always got around Emily.

Emily slowly smiled up at him. Before he could get the words out she asked them. "Are you sure?"

He leaned on the open door and ran his hand through her hair. "About you? Always."

* * *

 **AN thoughts: I like this idea of them being a little naughty and giving in. Plus Rossi and JJ had to know what was going on and provide knowing comments.  
**

 **AN announcements: Hello Friends! Thanks for being patient. I have three more of these almost ready to roll, some Jack & Emily stories I'm fine tuning and collecting. PLUS! A super duper exciting Jack & Hotch series that came to mind today after I watched the latest episode. So stay tuned for more things in the coming months.**


	13. Today I Do

**AN: Think of this as a case in between 'Today I Do' and 'Coda'**

* * *

Hotch pressed his lips to the black marks on her left shoulder, tracing a light trail away from her neck. His body was curled behind Emily's as she had finally fallen asleep after a grueling thirty six hours on the case. He knew he should rest as well but due to the events of that afternoon he couldn't stop himself from watching, and touching, her.

"Why are you still up?" Emily mumbled sleepily.

"It doesn't matter. Go back to sleep," he said gently.

"You should sleep too," she whispered scooting back against him.

He gave her shoulder one last kiss and settled back down next to her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and linked his fingers with hers.

"Why are you suddenly so fascinated with my tattoo?" she asked a little more clearly. Hotch was thankful she was more amused than pissed he woke her up.

"I realized how much it fits you," he said running his finger down the diagonal trail of nine tiny paw prints that got darker as he went. "You have so much in common with cats."

"Are you saying that I shed and I'm needy? Because that's your most common argument against Sergio." The eye roll she was giving him was audible.

"No," he chuckled kissing her neck. Emily practically purred in response making him laugh again. "You are cunning and curious, but cautious about people, graceful and gentle yet fierce and-"

"Fuzzy?" she interrupted. Emily tried to turn around but winced when she raised her arm. Hotch bit his cheek to prevent him from holding her in place or telling her to stop so she didn't hurt herself. He didn't want to ruin Emily's mood by being over protective.

"Fearless," he chided. Normally her goofy antics helped to lighten the mood and get him out of his head. Tonight, however, there was nothing that would make him feel better. "And I am now convinced you have nine lives." He pulled her a little closer trying to get the image of the unsub on top of her out of his mind.

As soon as Emily realized her vehicle was closer she took off for the warehouse, pulling a Morgan worthy u-turn in the middle of traffic. Time was limited and the little girl's life was on the line. Emily didn't want to wait for back up so she went in alone despite Hotch's protest over the conference call line. She managed to take out the unsub and free the child without incident. What they didn't plan on was a partner. The team got there to find Sarah rushing into Seaver's arms by the SUV. Hotch and Morgan raced in after Emily upon learning the she had cut contact with them all. Morgan managed to tackle the partner while Hotch carried a half conscious Emily from the building. In the end everything turned out ok; the girl was safe, the Unsubs were stopped, and Emily's bruises and cracked rib would heal. Hotch wasn't sure he would get the years back in his life from all the worrying he had done though.

"Do you have a profile of my other tattoo?" Emily smirked indicating the delicate script on her right ribs. That one was easier to figure out. It was a line from Mother Night that she got during her first year at Yale. 'Citizen of Nowhere' was an idea that resonated with her ever since she read the book. And at that point she had spent two years adjusting to life in the US but still felt lost and unanchored even though she was surrounded by students with similar experiences.

Hotch didn't say anything. He only continued to stroke his fingers across Emily's stomach. She knew that his joking mood was over now. He almost lost her because of her rash decision. But he hit close to home on the meaning of her tattoo, bringing up some bad memories for her that she would rather forget. Especially now that there is a chance she's going to come face to face with cause of them again.

She had always liked cats. They were mysterious, graceful and, like her, often misunderstood. All the traveling combined with her mother's coldness made it hard to make friends. She had been chronically unsure of herself until college. Like a cat, it took her awhile to warm up to people but she was loyal once she did. Emily also like how the superstitions around cats made their way into almost every culture. It made her feel connected to something.

She got the first paw print after her first mission for the CIA. It had been a trip to Venezuela to interrogate a narcotics trafficker. On her way out her convoy took heavy fire. Emily had been in closer calls than what inspired it since then but it had been her first brush with the reality of her job. As soon as her feet touched back on American soil, she was off to a tattoo parlor.

She had only intended on the one but after a few years, and a few more close calls, she added to her collection. There were six by the time she headed off to the Middle East to hunt suspected Al Qaeda terrorists. The most recent one represented her JTF-12 mission with Doyle. It was fitting that her last print in the series was the faintest as she was never the same after that.

Emily rolled over to face him, pushing through the pain. She placed soft kisses from his forehead to his jaw. "I acted and didn't think about what it must be like for you," she said softly.

He still had nightmares about not being able to save Haley and Jack in time. They were always worse after a case where one of the team got hurt or that involved kids. Emily felt bad knowing seeing her like that would most likely trigger one tonight. But it was a part of her job to put her life on the line for others. Maybe not like she had that night but she couldn't avoid it completely.

"I'm not concerned for myself Emily. Sometimes you have so little regard for your own life. Don't you know how much we need you?" Hotch sucked in a deep breath and pulled Emily close.

"Sarah needed me," Emily said a bit more forcefully than she intended too. As soon as the words left her mouth she regretted them. The tension in Hotch's body was immediate.

"The team needed you. You didn't just act; you broke protocol and left Seaver alone, again." Hotch pushed away from Emily to look at her properly. "Everything worked out this time but if worked as a team we could have taken in both unsubs."

"Who are you right now?" Emily asked propping herself up on her elbow.

"What?" he asked mimicking her action. Emily's voice had been eerily calm after his outburst. He knew she was pissed now and not to provoke her any further.

"Who are you? Are you my boss or my lover? I need to know who I'm arguing with."

Hotch stared at her a moment trying not to grind his jaw at her question. He hated the term 'lover'. It made their relationship seem cheap and meaningless. "Emily, I… I'm both."

"Well I already explained to Agent Hotchner why I made those decisions. I have nothing to say to him until tomorrow." She rolled back over and crossed her arms over her chest. She knew it was petulant but telling him off did make her feel slightly better.

"Sweetheart, I can't stop being your boss." He only called her 'sweetheart' when they were arguing or he wanted to emphasize a point. He thought he was being gentle but the patronizing term only made her angrier.

"You can for right now Aaron," she shot back. "We are not on the job."

"I don't know what you want me to do. Neither part of me is happy with your actions." As much as Emily had professed her like of him as a whole person, he still had to separate personal and professional. Most of the time they did a good job and stuck to work related things at work and the more mushy feeling things at home.

"Well the boyfriend part of you can yell at me later," Emily sighed dejectedly. "I got reamed out by my boss earlier and really need you right now."

They had this conversation a few times already. It was the main point, the only point really, of contention in their relationship. By many measures Hotch was a modern guy; he appreciated Emily's independence, he didn't think less of himself for doing cheesy dad things with Jack - he actually thought he was less of a man for missing out on many of Jack's first milestones - and he enjoyed doing things to spoil Emily when he had that chance. Emily might even consider calling him a feminist if he was in a good mood. But he was also a traditional Alpha Male. His overwhelming need to protect Emily had gone from comforting to patronizing.

Hotch opened his mouth to say something back but stopped himself when he saw the disappointment and weariness on her face. Instead, he lay back down and opened his arms to her. He knew she was upset with herself for letting him down, professionally and personally. Emily prided herself of her ability to stay calm and objective. There was only a few times where her feelings got in the way of a case. Normally she was able to harness her passion to help her do a better job.

"I don't want to argue. Let's go back to sleep." Emily placed a light kiss to his jaw and snuggled into his chest to indicate that she was done too. "You know that I trust you right?" He asked softly, tucking the blanket over her shoulder. "I'm just selfish. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"I know. I really am sorry that I made you worry." Emily ran her hands through his short hair taking in every emotion he was allowing her to see through his eyes. Most of the day he was an impenetrable wall but when they were alone he let it crumble slightly. Very rarely did he let her in completely.

"I'm always going to worry about you. It's who I am. And you are always going to make me question my sanity. It's one of the many qualities I like about you." He kissed her head and stroked her back as he squeezed his eyes shut. He tried to focus on her her warm breath across his chest and the soft skin under his hand as he drifted off to sleep. Emily was in his arms and safe, there wasn't much more he could ask for.

* * *

 **AN: I really enjoyed CardinalPerch's 'Becoming Lauren' for Emily's background. I borrowed the general trajectory - South America, Middle East then JTF-12. They write a lot of really great Prentiss action fics. Go check them out!**

 **AN2:** **I included two prompts here: Prentiss's tattoos and some tension in their relationship. They cant be perfect. After all they are both stubborn. Also - obligatory Hotch/Sergio tension :)**


	14. Christmas Special

"If we keep avoiding each other they are going to know something is up," Emily said while focusing on pouring herself another drink.

"If you could mentally put some of my clothes back on that might help," Hotch replied smoothly while dipping a carrot into the ranch on his plate.

"You know how I feel about those jeans," Emily flicked her eyes down to his ass and quickly back to the snacks on the table. Casual Hotch was her favorite version of him, besides Naked Hotch. "You can't expect me not to stare at your ass when you wear those." They played this game often at events. Finding the perfect balance of space and contact so no one would suspect there was something more going on.

"Oh, like you were playing fair when you picked out that top," he quietly huffed. It was taking every ounce of his self control to keep his eyes off her.

"What? Red is a festive color!" Emily looked down at her blouse with surprise on her face. It was an off the shoulder silk wrap. It, combined with an amazing strapless push up bra, showed off her creamy skin and deep cleavage. She knew what red on her did to him. Red combined with her ample chest would do him in. Add in a little harmless flirting with Morgan and Emily was guaranteed a great night once she got him home.

"And having that much cleavage is required to get in the holiday spirit," the sarcasm was dripping from his mouth. "You almost gave Reid a heart attack when you leaned over him earlier. And I swear Garcia is one drink away from burying her face in your chest." Garcia's proclivity for affection when intoxicated was not limited to Morgan, or even the male members of her team.

"Where's Jack this evening?" she asked suddenly using her normal volume and trying to hide her smirk as they walked back towards the living room.

"Did junior g-man get taken away by elves for being naughty?" Garcia asked with a giggle. Earlier in the evening Reid rambled on about various Christmas traditions after Rossi mentioned the Feast of Seven fishes that inspired the spread he had prepared for the night. Apparently in the Netherlands 'Black Pete' can steal you away for being naughty. It was an idea that left Garcia in giggles and hiccups.

"He's with Jessica and his grandparents. They always have a big family Christmas. He and I celebrated earlier today before they left."

Emily leaned against a pillar as Hotch told them about his day with Jack. They feasted on cookies and did nothing but watch movies with a short break to play in the snow. She loved watching him talk about his son. His whole face would light up and his dimples ever stopped showing. Dad Hotch was very sexy. Every version of Hotch was tempting to Emily but Dad Hotch was just below Casual and Taking Down an UnSub versions.

"Oh look! Bossman and Em are under the mistletoe!" Garcia whispered to Morgan and Reid.

"Mistletoe?" Reid asked with confusion across his face. "This is a family event, why would we want to kiss each other?"

"Yeah, Baby Girl you don't need an excuse to get some of this loving," Morgan grinned before placing a peck on Garcia's cheek.

"It's tradition," Garcia said simply to Reid before she turned back to the archway where the two brunettes where standing and called, "Kiss! Kiss!"

Hotch immediately sent the group his best glare. Even though they were off duty he liked to keep some professional distance between him and the team. He didn't like to get too attached so it wouldn't cloud his judgment in the field. With everything in the aftermath of Emily's return he was trying to be more open with them, be a part of the family, show them that they can trust him again.

"Come on Aaron, loosen up a little. A friendly little kiss won't hurt anyone," Rossi called from the couch.

Hotch thought maybe if they kept it to a short peck it wouldn't be unprofessional but would still be in the holiday spirit. It would be out of his normal comfort zone, showing public displays of affection towards random people. At home, behind the safety of their locked doors, he and Emily were always exchanging loving touches. They had yet to chance a public outing or anything more than an under the table knee squeeze when with the team.

While Hotch was waging an internal war over whether or not he should kiss the woman in front of him, Emily tried to play it cool. Most of the time it wasn't a problem to be in close proximity to him and keep her hands, and lips, to herself. Tonight, however, too many things were working against her. Being apart for over a week, the edible way he looked in the jeans with the sleeves of his sweater pushed up, the wine buzzing in her veins and the image of him delighting his son and being adorably domestic were all driving her hormones crazy.

"Well Prentiss, we can't leave our audience waiting." He turned to face her again with a dramatic sigh. _Cheek or lips, cheek or lips_ was running through his head. The temptation to deepen the kiss would be too great if he went for the lips. And considering he never touched his agents, especially the female ones, lips would be too much of a stretch, even if it is Christmas.

"No, sir. That's just bad form." To the rest of the team the 'sir' would sound formal and uncomfortable but she knew it would rile Hotch up even more. Emily tugged on her top, feigning self-consciousness. She also made sure to shoot Garcia a look of uncertainty.

Slowly Hotch leaned in and placed his hands on her upper arms for balance. His thumbs were rubbing against her bare shoulders. Even that innocent touch was sending sparks through her body. Emily hoped her hitching breath would be read as nervousness instead of the intense desire she was feeling. Finally his lips brushed against her cheek.

"Emily, it's your turn," Hotch whispered in her ear when she froze at his touch.

"Right," she mumbled back opening her eyes and quickly made contact with the stubble on his normally smooth cheek. Emily pulled back then made a beeline for the alcohol on the counter.

"That's all?" Garcia's voice rang out over the other groans of disappointment. "Could you have made that seem any more painful?" Garcia cried quietly coming up Emily's side.

"I've seen you get closer to unsubs than that," Morgan added with a chuckle.

"It's Hotch," Emily responded as if that explained everything.

"Yeah, it is Hotch! So why is that the only action we got to see?" Garcia ignored the glare Emily sent her and just gave her a knowing look.

"Time for gifts!" Rossi called, drawing everyone's attention to the living room. Emily sent up a silent hallelujah for the distraction.

"YAY presents! What did the little man get you for Christmas this year?" Garcia asked Hotch as she settled on the floor in front of his space on the couch.

"A book and a tie. The same thing he gets me every year." He gave a small grin. It sounds a little lame but he loves that his six year old tries to pick out things he likes. He knows that Daddy needs ties and that books are important. Hotch loves seeing the smile light up Jack's face when he gets praise for doing a good job. Jack could give him socks and Hotch would be happy about it.

"And what did he get?"

"Captain America gear and some soccer stuff. Oh and books. Haley made that a rule: one toy, something to enjoy together and at least one book. Didn't matter if it was Christmas or his birthday." Hotch faded out and was staring above Garcia's shoulder at the tree to his left.

"Well, isn't that the sweetest," Garcia mumbled wiping at her eyes. While she was distracted, Emily squeezed Hotch's shoulder in quiet support as she walked behind the couch to get a spot on the loveseat.

They had agreed on a not-so-secret Santa. Mostly because none of them could hide it from the other's very well. Everyone was always too excited about finding the perfect thing that the inter-team profiling had gotten out of hand in years past. Once everyone was settled, Garcia and her Santa hat passed out the presents to everyone.

"Ok, who had JJ again?" Garcia asked. JJ, along with Will and Henry, had left for her mothers in Pennsylvania the night before.

"I did," Rossi called. "She and Will get to enjoy a night on the town of their choice and not worry about the sitter."

"Nice! Who did she have?" Morgan asked.

Hotch lifted a perfectly wrapped present slightly. "That would be me." He took a moment to read the note with a grin on his face before removing the snowflake wrapping paper. He immediately started flipping through the book on training for triathlons. A gift card for a local bike shop slipped from behind the cover. "I had mentioned months ago that I missed all the biking a used to do," he commented casually still reading the pages.

"My turn, my turn," Garcia chanted as she pulled tissue paper out of her gift bag. Two headbands with flowers, a set of butterfly hair pins, a cat barrette, and a package of gold gems followed. She oohed and aaahed as each one hit the floor.

"There should be one more thing," Hotch directed. Garcia fished around in the bag until she found the gift card to her neighborhood coffee shop. "Jack picked out the accessories."

"Tell mini Hotch thank you. I love them." She smiled at Hotch then turned to Reid. "Ok, Boy Wonder, prepared to be amazed."

In his three boxes from Garcia Reid found a purple knit scarf, three sets of crazy socks featuring Dr Who and a new comic. Reid gave Morgan a Chicago neighborhood map and a Bears pennant for his new apartment. Emily received copies of Catch-22 and Between the Acts from Morgan and gave Rossi tickets to a Knicks game.

Before anyone could move to pick up the wrapping paper Garcia set gift bag in front of Hotch.

"Garcia, I already got the cookies you left on my desk with the promise to watch Jack. I don't need anything else."

"It's not for you, Sir," Garcia waved her had like he was missing the most obvious things in the world.

Hotch fixed her with a stern glare. "Between you and Dave, you're going to spoil him."

"Yes, because all the sweets and toys you buy him when he goes places are good for him," Rossi quipped. He rubbed his hands together then stood. "Ok, time for clean up. After that everyone is welcome to join me for midnight mass then stay the night for my French toast."

"Are you staying the night?" Emily asked as they were loading the dishwasher after dinner.

"Mmm….I spend enough time with these people." Hotch looked around the kitchen making sure the others were busy wrapping up the leftovers then took a small step closer to Emily. "You could come over tonight," he mumbled trying not to move his lips.

"Tempting. But I was thinking of going to Mass." She paused at the raised eyebrow her gave her. After Doyle, hiding, and coming back she was trying to find herself again. A part of that was rediscovering spirituality and God. "Well, and I want to try this famous French toast I've heard so much about."

"I'm slightly offended that you think Dave's French toast is going to give you more pleasure than I can," Hotch growled in her ear, causing desire to send a shiver through Emily.

Emily took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders trying to gain her composure. After all their earlier teasing, his breath in her ear was the last thing she needed. She tried to chuckle lightly, ignoring the heat pooling in her stomach.

"Well I'll also have the lovely Penelope Garcia to snuggle with." Once Hotch got his facial expression back under control, Emily added, "I'll come over after breakfast to give you your present," with a mischievous wink, placing the last of the stemware in the rack. "Okay, time to go get ready."

Hotch watched as Emily sauntered away. He couldn't wait until morning. He only put up with the games and the teasing because they both knew that the payoff later would be explosive. After all her tricks he needed her. And he needed her now. Hotch made sure the others were distracted before slipping upstairs.

"I'm almost done in here PG," Emily called when she heard the footsteps coming towards the door of the bathroom attached to the room they were sharing for the night. She was leaning close to the mirror fixing her eye shadow when she felt the arms wrap around her waist. Immediately she was pulled against Hotch's solid body and felt his mouth on her neck. "Is that a present in your pocket or are you happy to see me?"

"Both," he breathed out before nipping on her ear. One hand pulled her hip closer to his while the other hand pulled a small box out of his front pocket and set it on the counter. "You can have it after I'm done with you." With that he spun her around, bringing her into a searing kiss.

"You know the others will be waiting for me," she said as she tilted her head and arched her back to give him better access.

"Then it's a good thing you're wearing a dress." He wasted no time in hiking up the hem of the black dress Emily changed into and lifting her on the counter.

"Really? Here?" she asked while her fingers worked his buckle and zipper. She wasn't surprised that he was eager to get to it. She _had_ been sticking her chest in his face all night. It was the fact that he wanted to get frisky with everyone close by.

The only answer Hotch gave her was making her see stars.

"Merry Christmas Emily," he whispered, sliding the box over to Emily when they finally got the use of their faculties back and righted all their clothing.

"What's this?"

"I figured since I got my present early you should get yours too," he said softly as he captured her lips again.

"We said no presents, Hotch," Emily pushed him away playfully.

"You said no presents," he corrected with a kiss to the forehead. "Did you forget while you were gone that I don't listen to that? Open the box."

Emily slowly lifted lid of the silver box. She removed the batting to find a circular gold pendant. The light glinted off the hammered surface as she picked it up to examine it. Hotch took it from her hand and fastened around her neck.

"Do you like it?" He asked quietly with his eyes locked on hers in the mirror.

"It's beautiful," she whispered holding back the tears in her eyes while she fingered the chain. He always surprised her with his thoughtfulness. Hotch picked out a beautiful piece. It was twenty four carat gold, of that she was sure. Emily always liked simple, high quality pieces; nothing too fussy or delicate that she had to worry about what she was wearing in the field.

"You're beautiful." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear as he continued to murmur in her ear. "So beautiful, inside and out. You amaze me with your strength and compassion. I am thankful everyday that you are in my life."

"If you don't stop with the sweet talk, I'm going to take your clothes off again." Emily stepped out of his embrace and turned to face him.

"And that's a bad thing?" He quirked an eyebrow at her and made a move to pull her close again.

"It is if you don't want them to know about us," she scoffed as she wiped a lipstick smudge off his jaw. "Come on lover boy, let's go. We can finish this tomorrow." Emily walked through the bedroom and into the hallway, leaving Hotch to trail after her.

"Where'd you disappear off too?" Morgan asked has Hotch walked back into the living room.

"Saying good night to Jack. I had to convince him that the sooner he went to sleep the sooner he would get presents." It wasn't a lie. He did call Jack after his quick coupling with Emily.

"Are you joining us at Mass?" Morgan followed up. Hotch looked up to find five sets of eyes looking at him expectantly.

"I'm going to head home."

"It's Christmas. No one should be alone on Christmas!" Garcia cried.

"Sorry, my bed is calling my name." He wished Emily was in it with him but getting some uninterrupted sleep would be a good consolation prize. Besides, Hotch doesn't do church or religion in any form. He had gotten lucky with Haley and her family; they weren't religious either so he never had to worry about being forced into holiday services.

"I'm sure there is a pile of paperwork on the night stand to keep him company," Rossi smirked at him with a pat on Garcia's back.

"At least come by for breakfast. Everyone was going to hang around here for the day. Nothing big, just eating, talking, maybe some games."

Kevin was spending his holidays in New York with his family so Garcia was alone. Both Reid and Morgan preferred to save time off for extended trips to see their mothers. Rossi and Emily didn't really have anyone to see as they weren't close with their families. Without any major plans, they ended up being the ones on call over the holidays.

"I think he's afraid my French toast will show up his pancakes."

"Is that a challenge? It sounds like a challenge," Morgan said looking between the two older men. Emily had to keep her face straight. She knew how good Hotch's pancakes are but she preferred is omelets. The man had a way with eggs that rivaled her childhood chef.

"Ok, I will come back for breakfast," Hotch had a wide grin. "But I need to get some sleep. Jack wore me out this morning." Again, not a complete lie. He and Jack had a busy morning playing outside, eating cookies and watching movies. He wanted some time alone with Emily but he could settle for time with the ones that became his family. After all, it was Christmas.


	15. Vahalla

Hotch couldn't believe she was yelling at him over a mug.

A freaking mug.

Due to the team working late, Jack stayed with Jessica and Hotch stayed at Emily's. He took a travel mug of coffee with him when they got called in to work early the next morning to consult on a case. It was just a plain, tall mug, nothing special about it. He left it at work and now she was freaking out.

She had been snapping at everyone for days over the littlest things. She always had a temper and a smart mouth but this was nothing close to playful. And it wasn't just him she was lashing out at. The others were starting to get concerned.

So was Hotch. They didn't fight like this. A few harsh words or meaningful uses of their names, along with a lot of sighs, were about all they had. This was a full on fight. It was a little one sided but he was starting to lose his patience. He had already sworn at her a few times, something he usually reserved for the bedroom.

"Sweetheart," he grit out to avoid yelling, "you can get it Monday. It's on my desk." He had already told her this, multiple times. There was no getting through to her.

"I don't care! Now I can't use it tomorrow." She was hysterical. Hotch was thinking through everything that had happened the last few weeks. There were no major event anniversaries he missed, no dinners with her mother or fights with anyone on the time that would be agitating her.

"You have others."

Now she was crying. High pitched sobs he never pictured coming out of her. They were more likely to come out of Garcia. Not his strong Emily.

"Emily, what's going on? This is about more than a mug…"

Besides the constant snapping, Emily had been more distracted and tired lately **.** It was a little strange because she was dozing off in the briefing today. She also was looking a little sick. He noticed that a few times in the last days she had darted away from the others, possibly to the bathroom. She was devouring chocolate, more than usual, but having a hard time getting down breakfast or even lunch.

If he didn't know better he would say she was pregnant.

Shit.

He knew that no birth control, besides abstinence, was one hundred percent effective. And there was no way in hell he was abstaining from Emily. They even used condoms most of the time due to close proximity to other people's blood at frequent intervals. But things could happen.

Emily still hadn't answered him. Tears were still coming down her face and she was now speed cleaning out her fridge. He could see that some things were making her queasy.

"Em, look at me," the panic made his voice sound foreign to his ears. There was no way she could have missed it even in her state. If she couldn't hear it in his tone the use of her nickname would have gotten her attention. It wasn't a term he used, not consciously anyway. It only came out in panic.

She finally stopped moving. Her head was still tucked inside the refrigerator.

"Emily, are you pregnant?" Hotch immediately cursed himself for losing is calm exterior. The question came out more as an accusation.

And it caused Emily to fly into a rage again.

"You think I would lie to you about my birth control. Do you have no trust in me? Get out!" She was coming at him, hands flying through the air as she spoke.

"What?" He stumbled backwards in shock.

"You made it very clear when we got together that you didn't want any children with me, so leave! You barely let me see Jack. You must think I would be an unfit mother. I don't need you!"

"So you are?" he asked confused. Once again she didn't answer. Emily walked down the hallway and opened her front door and glared at him in response.

Now Hotch was angry. Not about the possibility of a baby. But that she would think he could do something like that.

"You think you could keep me from my child Emily? Do you really think I would turn my back on them or you? This may not have been a part of the plan but I wouldn't love them any less than I do Jack." His voice was shaking and tears were threatening to spill.

He almost lost Jack and missed out on a lot of his childhood. There was no way he would abandoned his child if he got a second chance. Then there was the fact that he did really care for Emily, love might be the right word. It would be a lie if he said he hadn't pictured a future with children, their children, before. She had demonstrated time after time her ability to connect to and comfort kids on many cases. Emily had a way of talking to them, not down to them, which made them want to open up to her. And it didn't matter how old they were, whether it was little Maria in Houston or teenage Carrie in Boulder, Emily found a way in.

"I don't know," she finally whispered.

"About being pregnant or about me?"

"Right now? Either," she shrugged.

He knew Emily. Talking right now would only mean more fighting. If they kept arguing he would say something he would regret. They needed time to cool down and Emily needed to know definitively if she was pregnant.

"I'm going to leave because I have to get Jack but we will talk on Monday." He walked over to her and leaned in for a kiss but she recoiled. He settled for a peck on the cheek before exiting. A few steps into the hall Hotch turned to face where Emily still stood in the doorway. "Whatever happens, we will figure this out. Together."

* * *

Emily was finishing her dinner on the couch when she heard the knock on the door. She slowly made her way down the hallway. She was dreading this talk. She had been thinking for the last three days about how she exploded on Hotch. He would never forgive her for threatening to keep his child away from him.

She knew as soon as he left that she was being unreasonable. She hadn't been sure what was going on with her that week. Everything felt…more. Emily was aware that the stress of having Doyle on the loose was becoming more evident to the team. She wasn't sleeping out of fear and she had too much to worry about to eat. All of her cuticles were bleeding. But stress didn't explain the cravings and her weird need to reorganize things. Hotch was right to suggest pregnancy. Emily could vaguely recall similar symptoms from when she was fifteen.

"Hi," he said cautiously when she opened the door.

"Hi," she bit her lip nervously and shifted on her feet. He looked calm, determined even. Emily didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

"Is this still a good time? Can I come in?"

"Oh yeah, I'm finishing dinner. Want something?" She was trying to act as normal as possible as she walked back to the couch. And if it put off the inevitable awkward conversation; all the better.

"I'm fine. Go ahead and finish," he said as he settled into a chair next to the couch. He was clearly giving her space. He had been doing it since he left that night. Besides the ever professional case talk in the office, the only communication they had was a simple text he sent her each night letting her know that he was still thinking about her but they weren't as warm as their normal communication.

"How was your weekend with Jack?"

"I took him to the indoor soccer complex he had been begging to go and we went on a bike ride this morning. Jessica took him to the mall to get a few new books. How was your weekend?"

"I mostly hung around the house with Sergio. I…I ah…I'm not pregnant," she said suddenly tired of the small talk. She was going to ease into but she needed to clear the air with him. He may have been all nonchalant about their discussion but the three days apart were wearing on her, along with everything else.

"Not pregnant?" he asked as relief washed across his face. Emily couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness.

"I won't explain the finer details but basically the hormone part of my IUD wore off. I got busy with cases and ended up missing my appointment to get it replaced by about two months. You got to witness the reason I've been on something since I was thirteen. PMS is a bitch."

"So is timing," he gave her a weak half smile. Then his face got serious. "It's not that I'm opposed to having a baby with you, some day. Things are still new and we are not prepared to handle Strauss. Or explain our relationship to Jack when he's still recovering from losing his mom."

"I know. I'm sorry I was being ridiculous and that I said those things to you. You would never abandon or resent us if that did happen." Emily got off the couch and went through the kitchen to throw her empty cartons to the trash when she stopped in her tracks. The cartons hit the floor and she spun around to face him. "You want a baby with me?"

"Want might be a strong word for right now but under better circumstances I wouldn't hate the idea. You would be a great mother, Emily." He had spent his days playing with Jack and his evenings imagining what their daughter, who was just as smart and twice as stubborn as either one of them, would sound like when she laughed.

A flush at such praise bloomed across her face. Hotch was a wonderful father and or him to give his endorsement meant that he saw a little of that greatness in her. Time spent with Jack for Emily was limited to a few dinners and an occasional weekend outing but it always went well. She had always enjoyed spending time with kids; Jack, Henry and Declan all hold a special place in her heart. But babysitting and being a mother are two very different things.

"I apologize if I've done anything that made you think that I don't trust you with Jack or that this isn't serious," Hotch sat next to her on the couch she had dropped to as she thought and took her hands in his. "Emily, I trust you with my life. And not just because we have to in the field but because I know you. I know what you would do for those that you care about. And you care about Jack."

Emily thought back to the time they went to the park last month and she panicked when she lost sight of Jack. Hotch calmed her, and a scared Jack, by using silly voices and corny jokes. Emily loved watching them interact; it was the complete opposite of the man she saw in the office. He was silly and affectionate and always had a smile on his face. Watching him smile at his son was like torture for her biological clock. Realistically she knew that having kids of her own was a long shot. They would have to figure out how to navigate the bureau in a hurry if they wanted to have more kids. And she was honestly ok with skipping the whole pregnancy thing and taking in kids who need a home. But logic couldn't win against the Hotchners matching dimples.

Then there was this whole Doyle thing to deal with. It was another reminder that children don't fit into her life. If her life was unstable before, with Doyle in the mix there was no ground beneath her feet. Emily couldn't keep this up much longer. Whatever was going to happen with Doyle needed to happen and fast. The longer it dragged on the greater the chance that the team would be pulled in. And no one would pay for the decisions she made.

"Where did you go?" Hotch kissed her forehead. They had shifted so Emily's head was resting on his shoulder with his arm around her waist.

"Sorry," she smiled up at him. "A little overwhelmed by everything."

"Now that you saw your gynecologist are things normal? No more symptoms?"

"Not quite. We only had a quick consult on Saturday where she confirmed the non-pregnancy. I can't get the IUD replaced right away so she gave me a prescription. It will take a few days to go into full effect." It was the truth but it also gave her cover for the next few days. And now that Doyle made himself known it shouldn't be long until things came to a head.

"I'm glad things will get back to normal. I missed you. Can we never fight again?" A hand carded through her hair before he gently pressed his lips to hers.

"We've gone two days without being together before," Emily raised an eyebrow at him. While Hotch was more liberal with his physical and verbal affection than she was, he had ever been needy before.

"Yes, but not without talking to you or seeing you," Hotch nuzzled her neck. "You know, I don't have anywhere to be," he said lowly before nipping on her ear.

Emily let him continue the assault on her neck while she got lost in thought again. He really shouldn't be here with Doyle watching them. It would make Jack and Hotch the primary target if the team got involved. It was risky when he spent the night but she needed the comfort and safety his arms provided. They were solid when everything else was tumultuous. She should send him home before his presence got suspicious. But she liked the way her body was responding to his touch. His fingers were leaving hot trails down her back as his lips descended down her collarbone.

"Emily, is this ok? We can do this right?" he asked, noticing her less than enthusiastic response.

She almost chuckled at how well informed he was about 'lady business' as Garcia referred to it.

"Yeah, we're ok." She captured his mouth as she pulled his head to hers and wasted no time entering.

Hotch met her hungry strokes and pulled her closer. Emily climbed into his lap taking off her shirt in the process. She didn't want to waste any more time. With everything that had happened in the last week she realized how much she needed him. She would do whatever it took to protect him and the team from the reach of Doyle. It was going to be a nasty battle and whatever the outcome things would change. If this was her last chance to hold on to Hotch she was going to make the most of it.


End file.
